Water Under The Bridge
by Hisa-Ai
Summary: Alexander Lightwood and Magnus Bane both have rough pasts and histories they'd like nothing more than to move on from. Whilst trying to do so, however, neither of them much expected to find love in an animal shelter run by the Lightwoods themselves, but sometimes life just kind of... happens. "But Alec felt so selfish when it came to Magnus sometimes."
1. for the smile is the beginning of love

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 1:  
_ _for the smile is the beginning of love_

* * *

*.*.*.*.*

Tuesday mornings were notoriously slow—slower even than Sunday mornings, though that shouldn't have been possible. And yet there Alec was. Bored out of his God damn mind, all because people had the nerve to have jobs and school and whatever else it was that kept them away during these hours. And it didn't make any sort of sense at all, because people had school and work during the _rest_ of the week as well, but it was never as slow as it was on Tuesday mornings.

And he guessed he shouldn't have been bored, exactly, as there was plenty to do: cages to clean, cats to brush, to feed, to pet, to check up on, to exercise; there was paperwork to do, inventory to take, dishes to be washed, so really, it wasn't that he was _bored_ , he was just…

Lonely, he supposed. It was never any fun when things were slow. He didn't particularly care for people, but it was nice to have people to _talk_ to, if he so wanted to. And besides, when they were busy, he had help in there, and the people who would come to help him were the ones he actually liked, could talk to all too easily.

But it was Tuesday morning, and they were notoriously slow, had always been notoriously slow, so it was just him in the cat room that day, all by his lonesome self. His sister Isabelle was in the dog room, their receptionist Clary was at the front desk, and their dog walker Maia was out, well, walking some of the dogs. The vet on call that day, Luke, was in surgery spaying a dog, his assistants were with him.

It was a slow day, so a small staff where everyone was spread out, and therefore it was a lonely day.

With a wistful sigh, Alec looked back down to the clipboard with all his notes and to-do lists on it, and pursed his lips in thought. He wondered idly why he had agreed to come back and take over for his parents in the same moment that he decided that it was _definitely_ feeding time at the chorus of hungry meows that were suddenly surrounding him.

"I'm sorry, I'm rusty; cut me some slack here," he murmured under his breath, aware when he looked at the time that he was decidedly late with their breakfast.

Once upon a time, he had had this down to a science, could run the whole business in his sleep. And he very nearly had; his parents had entrusted the place to him when they took vacations or went out of town for extended periods to take care of other business matters or whathaveyou, and he had taken the task oh so very seriously, taking little to no time off, and not leaving unless he was sure everything would run smoothly in his absence.

But that had been so, _so_ long ago. It had all been as easy as breathing before, but now… Now it had to be relearned, those muscles needed to be stretched and worked out before he was back to where he had been before. Really, they should have had Jace or Izzy take over instead of calling him back home, but who was he to argue with an excuse to run away from the shitty situation he had created for himself in what had been his old life?

"You must be new," an unfamiliar voice said, sweet as honey and twice as tempting, startling Alec as he pulled the keys to the cat cages out from the desk, where they weren't _supposed_ to be kept but where he kept them anyway because he could.

He looked up to the doorway to see who was _actually_ free enough to come to an animal rescue at 10am on a Tuesday—more like to see who such a voice could have come out of, but—and dropped the keys back onto the desk in front of him when his eyes roamed over the man who was standing there. The loud clattering sound earned him the stray hiss from a cat who was rather jumpy, and a few more whining meows that he could barely hear, though they were loud enough that they were usually hard to _ignore_.

 _(Fuck.)_

Suddenly it was less who had the free time to come to an animal shelter on a Tuesday morning and more when did Alec get luck enough that someone _that_ hot would come to the shelter during _his_ shift?

"I, uhm," Alec licked his bottom lip, trying to keep some sort of wit and sense about him.

Which was very much so easier said than done when the man was standing there like _that_. Leaning in the door way. Smirking. Looking delicious as sin in too tight jeans and a god damn sparkling black jacket on top of a dark turquoise top.

What the actual _fuck._ He was hard pressed to say whether he was being rewarded or punished in that moment, truly.

"I'm not, actually," he managed to say finally, because fuck, Lightwood, get it together.

"Oh?" the man said in reply, raising a perfect eyebrow at Alec, and he wondered curiously how everything about him was so in place.

He was _definitely_ overdressed to be looking at cats, but at the same time, somehow, he looked like he belonged there, like _Alec_ was the one, in his worn jeans and light blue, wrinkled t-shirt, who was wearing the wrong attire.

"I've been coming here every Tuesday morning for something like a year now; if you're not new, then why haven't I ever seen that pretty face before? I would _definitely_ remember someone like you, you know," he insisted with an appreciative flourish of his hands, a long slow trail of his eyes down Alec's body.

Alec felt himself flush at that, at the insinuation, at the words _pretty face._

 _(He thought Alec was **pretty**.)_

"I've been away," Alec began, looking down to the keys that were still on the desk. "I'm Maryse and Robert's eldest son, Alec, I grew up working here, but I… moved away for a while," he shrugged, the thrill of being called pretty having worn off much too quickly, leaving him much more somber as he remembered everything that had happened, that had had him away for as long as he had been.

( _Maybe the man would call him pretty again, and the exhilarating feeling would come **back.)**_

The man let out a long breath that Alec hadn't known he was holding.

"Alexander," he said lowly, somber himself suddenly, it seemed. "Well, I've heard plenty about you at least," he added, voice chipper once again. Alec looked back up at him, a smile tugging itself into place on his face. "What everyone failed to mention, though, is just how attractive you are. If I'd known _this_ is what you looked like, I would have been here as soon as you arrived home," he winked at Alec, who flushed again.

"I, uhm," Alec stammered again, unsure what to say to that. Flirting had never quite been Alec's forte, no matter how badly he wished for the opposite to be true. "Sorry, did you want to see a cat? You've been coming here every Tuesday you said?" he asked, his curiosity catching back up with him.

Unless he was after a job—which he could just _have_ , in Alec's opinion, were that the case—Alec was at a loss for why he would come every single week for a year. _A year_. Who _did_ that?

The man gave Alec another long up and down look that made him shiver despite himself. If he really was going to be there every Tuesday… Alec was doomed, if this was the way he was going to act when he was there.

Not that Alec could say that he would _mind_ , of course. This seemed as good a way to go out as any, in his opinion.

"I'm Magnus Bane, in case you were wondering," he said, pushing off the door frame without a reply to Alec's questions.

He walked over to the desk and took the keys from where Alec still hadn't picked them up from. And Alec knew _technically_ he wasn't supposed to let him do that, should have snatched them back from him and insisted that if, he wanted to see a cat, _Alec_ would have to get them out for him.

But Magnus was walking away from Alec and the desk with the keys before he could bring himself to actually do it, and his ass looked _fantastic_ in those jeans, and Alec was nothing short of mesmerized at the sight. Well, what his parents didn't know wouldn't hurt any of them. Not that any of them would ever even think to ask about something like this happening. So it was fine, everything was fine.

"Okay. Nice to meet you, Magnus Bane," Alec said, barely able to tear his eyes off the other's rear end when Magnus looked back over his shoulder to wink at Alec _again,_ and why did Alec think Magnus knew _exactly_ what he had been doing?

 _Fucking hell._

"The pleasure is all mine," he purred, before he looked back to the cage in front of him.

The cat in the cage, a pure white thing with a single spot of black on her chest, was rubbing against the door in the way she did when she wanted the person in front of it to open the door and pet her. She was still meowing as she had been before Magnus had arrived, but less for food and more for attention now.

"I know, baby," Magnus said lowly, clicking his tongue gently at her as he unlocked the cage and shoved his hands into it, picking her up and holding her to his chest gingerly with one hand, petting her head with the other.

She shoved her head under his chin suddenly, and Magnus chuckled, hand finding other territory to wander over. And if that wasn't the _single_ sexiest thing Alec had ever seen before in his life…

His mouth was suddenly oh so very dry.

"So," he managed to say, swallowing when Magnus' eyes found his, wide and curious and watching. And Alec thought that Magnus was only different from the cats around them in that he could actually unlock the cages. "You… come in here to pet the cats?" he asked.

"Well," Magnus shrugged, still loving on the cat in question. "That… and help with whatever chores need doing. Every now and then I'll adopt a cat that just captures my heart and that I can't help but take home, but, for the most part, your parents… considered me help they didn't have to pay, and it's always worked out for everyone; I get something to do on Tuesday mornings, and whoever is stuck on cat duty—which was usually your sister—gets a helper and some company. Where _is_ Isabelle this fine morning anyway?" he asked.

And that couldn't have been a twinge of jealousy Alec felt at Magnus asking after his sister, he thought to himself. It simply _couldn't_ have been.

"She's with the dogs. She was only ever in here because Jace refused to do cats and she had no choice; she's more a dog person. Well, actually," he paused, thoughtful, before he added, "she's more a reptile person. But given the choice between dogs and cats she'll take dogs. And I don't mind the cats, so I told her I'd switch with her."

The cats were easier than the dogs were anyway, he thought, not that he wasn't up for a challenge, but, well, he needed to ease back into it, needed to get used to being back home and running everything slowly but surely. It wasn't _quite_ like riding a bike; everything he had once known was forgotten for the most part in favor of other things he had learned for his old life. It wasn't as though he had ever planned on coming back to this place and taking over, wasn't as though he had thought he would ever _need_ to know any of it ever again—that had never been The Plan. And maybe he was so slow to readjust because he was still licking his wounds, though it had been a considerate amount of time since everything had happened.

"Such a good big brother," Magnus said, voice teasing.

"Well," Alec cleared his throat, gave Magnus a small, tight smile. "If you're not too busy, you can help me feed the cats; I'm a bit behind," he shrugged with little embarrassment.

Magnus raised an eyebrow at him, but otherwise said nothing, simply returned the cat in his embrace to her cage, with a meow of protest from her, and turned to Alec.

"Let's get started, then."

*.*.*.*.*

It only took them a couple hours to get all the chores done, and little was said between them as they did it all, other than exchanges that had to do with the cats and where Maryse had moved this or what Robert had done with that and when had they changed kitty litters and why was that cage off limits now Jace did _what_ to it.

It was comfortable though, somehow, to have this perfect stranger here with him, helping him with things, knowing as much, if not more, about everything as Alec did. It was unnecessary, of course, to have two people doing everything on a day as slow as this one was, but it was nice all the same. Alec felt at peace with Magnus around, if nervous as all hell, particularly whenever they strayed too close to each other or whenever their fingers brushed, or their sides bumped, but it was a calm kind of nervous, a contradiction upon itself.

Not that Alec was _complaining_ , of course.

"Well that was…" Magnus fluttered his hand through the air as he threw himself down in the chair behind the desk, his sparkly jacket thrown across the back of it and his sleeves rolled up to his elbows—not shoved up like Alec would have done, but _neatly_ rolled up.

He had taken great care to roll them up perfectly, too, and Alec had stared the entire time he had done it, not caring that Magnus was watching Alec watch him, an amused smile on his face all the while.

 _(God damn smug bastard.)_

"... _eventful_. I have to say, when I usually came by to help out, your parents never quite utilized me in that way," Magnus finally finished as Alec came to perch himself on the edge of the desk near Magnus, eyes on him the whole time.

"Well, I think you'll find I operate a little bit differently from my parents," he shrugged.

"That you do," Magnus murmured, seemingly in awe, and that sent a thrill through Alec in much the same way Magnus calling him pretty earlier had.

He was starting to suspect, though, that _everything_ Magnus did was going to send a thrill through him.

"So," Alec cleared his throat. "I don't… know if it's quite your taste—and you're welcome to say no—but there _is_ some cold pizza in that fridge behind you that I have been looking forward to all day. Otherwise I think there should be stuff to make a sandwich too. And there are some drinks and probably other leftovers, too; as long as there isn't a name on it that says _Maia_ , you can help yourself to any of it, honestly. She's the only one I'd hate to be on the bad side of," he said, aware that he was rambling as a silly smile came over Magnus' face.

If _this_ was how his Tuesday morning visits were going to go, Alec blushing and Magnus smiling sweetly and flirting way too obviously, then Alec was going to be looking forward to every single agonizingly slow Tuesday morning for the rest of forever.

It was then, of course, that he realized Tuesday mornings only occurred once a week, and it put quite the damper on his jovial mood for a moment, until Magnus turned around to begin rummaging through the mini fridge Alec had invited him to. Why did the thought of getting to eat lunch with Magnus make Alec perk up so much?

At least there was a Tuesday every week, he thought, at least Magnus didn't only come once a month or something like that; at least Alec was guaranteed to see him at least once a week. He would like to see him more often than that, but, well, he would take once a week if he could have nothing else.

Magnus turned back around with the Tupperware container holding the pizza in question and two bottles of water, and waggled his eyebrows as he sat the loot down on the desk.

"It's been a while since I had cold pizza, actually," he said, took a slice and bit into it with a wink.

"Me, too; I actually stole it from Jace but, you didn't hear that," he winked back at Magnus as he grabbed a slice of pizza for himself as well, and bit into it.

Magnus hummed in amusement before they spent a few moments in silence, enjoying their food and stealing glances at each other every moment or so. And Alec wasn't a _fool_ , he knew he liked Magnus, knew Magnus liked him back, knew there was _something_ between the two of them that would be cruel to deny either of them from exploring…

So why couldn't Alec seem to bring himself to ask for Magnus' phone number?

"So," Magnus began after he swallowed his last bite of pizza, rubbing his hands on a napkin that had been left on the corner of the desk. "Where did you move away to for so long?" he asked, as simple as if they had just been talking about all that a moment ago rather than hours ago.

Alec held up a finger to signal that he needed a moment as he chased his own last bite down with a sip of water. Magnus didn't seem to waste time, and Alec couldn't help but admire that about him.

"I," he began, stretching himself so he was staring at the ceiling rather than at Magnus' gorgeous, overwhelming eyes. "... had something of a crisis, you could say—call it identity or midlife or existential or whatever else. And I couldn't… be here anymore. As much as I love this place and my family, I had to get out. I had to get away. So I shacked up with this girl…" he groaned to himself, closed his eyes against his own past stupidity. "... and we moved as far away as we could, which turned out to be California. And I hated the sun, and I hated the earthquakes, and I hated the culture, and I hated my job, and I think I even started to hate her…" he admitted quietly, for what was the first time out loud.

"... but I asked her to marry me anyway. Because that's what you're supposed to do, isn't it? Find some nice, pretty girl, move away from home to chase a dream, get married, have a few kids, live in domestic bliss working a job you hate until you can retire and you don't have a life anymore because you've spent it all hating everything. And I was prepared to accept that life, to… marry someone I didn't love, live a life I didn't want… I was just… ready to accept it, you know? Even though it wasn't exactly my own dream I was chasing."

At that, Alec finally looked back down to Magnus, and gave him a small smile, a shrug. It wasn't like him to open up so wholly to someone he had just met, and yet here he was anyway, offering his entire past, his entire self, to Magnus Bane.

If it wasn't so confusing, Alec might almost consider it romantic.

"So what happened? Clearly you didn't just accept it… did you?" Magnus asked, eyes flitting down to Alec's left hand, searching for a ring that wasn't there.

Alec drew his hand up, rubbed at the ring finger on his left hand self consciously.

"No," he shook his head. "I didn't. We eloped to Vegas, and we were waiting for our turn at one of those stupid casinos where you can get married in like, ten minutes or whatever it was. And she was so happy, and I was so… miserable. And they called our number, and we're standing up at the altar, and we've already gotten to the part where we put the rings on each other… and she put my ring on me, and I just… I couldn't do it. I told her I needed to go to the bathroom—fuck, Magnus, I said _I needed to go to the bathroom—_ and her face just… _fell_. So, we told them we would get back in line and come through again, and I told her, when we were away from everyone, that I couldn't do it, that I didn't love her, that she deserved better.

"And she agreed with me, said we both deserved better. I thought she was gonna slap me at first—Lydia was nothing if not a firecracker—and we… left Vegas that night. We drove back to Cali, and I packed up my things, spent a few months couch surfing, staying in hotels, still miserable as hell… And then my mom called to tell me Jace had been in a motorcycle accident. He was fine, but… he's my best friend in the entire world, and I didn't find out until a week after the fact that he had almost died, you know?

"So because of that, I was making plans to come back home anyway when my mom called to tell me her and dad were getting a divorce and they needed me to take over the business while they get everything sorted out," he shrugged again. "So here I am."

Magnus nodded, silent in a still kind of way that was different from the other silences he had occupied that day; Alec could see the wheels turning in his head, could tell he was trying to figure out what to say, where to go from there. And he was afraid, suddenly, that Magnus would be scared off now and Alec would never see him again.

He really should have known better than to unload like that on a complete stranger.

Just as he was opening his mouth to apologize for it, Magnus reached a hand out to grab Alec's, gave a reassuring squeeze. And it felt like _fire_ when Magnus touched him. If every accidental brush from earlier had left Alec's skin tingling in the most torturous of ways, Magnus flat out holding his hand felt like fire, felt like it was consuming his very being in the most overwhelming of ways, taking him over, making sure it was the only thing Alec could focus on.

In his dreams, his fantasies, he knew he would imagine that feeling on _other_ parts of his body as well, would try to figure out what it would feel like, if it would drive him to madness, how long it would take to get him there.

He also knew that his fantasies would not be anywhere close to how it would surely feel in reality.

"That couldn't have been easy," he said softly. "Any of that. We all do things we shouldn't do, that we know isn't the right thing to do, because we _think_ it's the right thing to do. Life is a confusing bitch, but… at least you didn't fall into that trap, at least you realized you deserve to be happy and with someone you love. You don't deserve to settle for a dream that isn't yours, Alexander, you don't deserve to waste your life hating it."

Alec could only smile in response to Magnus' words, squeezed his hand in turn. Maybe, he thought, that was why he had said any of that at all to Magnus in the first place; sometimes, it was just nice to hear from someone who was mostly unbiased that you weren't a shit person. Sometimes, you just needed validation that wouldn't plague you or make you feel guilty a year or ten years down the road.

And Alec didn't know how long he would know Magus for, but he knew, no matter how long it was, that he wouldn't hold any of that against Alec for even a fraction of that time.

And it was funny to be so sure of a fact about someone when you barely knew them at all, Alec thought, but…

He just had a feeling about this one.

*.*.*.*.*


	2. for there is no friend like a sister

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 2:  
for there is no friend like a sister  
_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

Alec wasn't waiting for Magnus to come back in that next Tuesday morning—he _wasn't,_ alright?

He wasn't checking the clock every few moments, looking at the door distractedly as he went about feeding the cats and running through the morning chores that he was much better about doing now that he'd had a little practice, had had time enough to get back into the swing of things and readjust to this life. He wasn't hoping Magnus would get there early enough to help him finish things up.

Just like he _hadn't_ spent every day of the past week hoping against hope that Magnus would come in sooner, and he _hadn't_ wondered if he would go in when Alec was off or after he had gone home for the day. And he _hadn't_ spent the whole previous night tossing and turning, thinking about Magnus coming in that morning, fantasizing about the things they might talk about when he came in there **.**

(He _wasn't.)_

He felt something like a lovesick girl over it all, really, but, well, _fuck it_ , he had earned it, he thought, had earned this crush, this feeling, this fun of torturing himself with _what ifs_ and conversations that were never going to happen. He had earned the fluttering in his stomach whenever he thought about Magnus, replayed their conversations from the previous week over in his head, and remembered what it had felt like when their skin had brushed against each other, leaving trails of sparks in their wake, what it had felt like to have Magnus' hand in his own.

He had earned all of this and then some, god damnit.

 ***.*.*.*.***

He had _just_ pulled a tabby kitten from her cage and was letting her cuddle up to him, stroke her head under his chin, when he flashed back to the previous week when Magnus had pulled Princess, the white cat, out from her cage and had held her like that, had pet her and cooed at her and loved on her like he did, and a smile spread across his face that he was sure looked silly, but, well…

At least there were only the cats around to witness it.

(He had earned that, too, that silly smile, that being infatuated with everything that Magnus did. He had _earned it,_ okay? Even if he was still trying to deny any part of it to himself.)

"You look like a two creams, one sugar kind of guy," Magnus said, coming into the room in something of a rush, two cups of coffee and a paper bag from Alec's favorite bakery in his hands as he made his way towards the desk.

Alec raised an eyebrow at Magnus, the purring kitten nuzzling at his neck just as distracted by Magnus' presence as Alec was now. Even the fucking _cats_ reveled in Magnus' presence, and couldn't help but be distracted by it. How was _Alec_ ever supposed to have stood a chance in the world?

Reluctantly, he locked the kitten back in her cage and strode over to Magnus, picked up the steaming cup of coffee that Magnus nodded towards and took a thoughtful sip of it, amused, despite himself.

"Did you guess that all on your own or did my sister tell you that?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at him.

Magnus simply gave him a smile in response, took a sip of his own coffee, went about busying himself in removing the pastries from the bag and setting them down in their wrappings on the desk in lieu of answering for a moment.

"Both," he said finally, gesturing to the sweet closest to Alec.

Alec simply shook his head in response, but took up the pastry Magnus had laid before him anyway; he was going to be the death of Alec, but…

Alec was very much so looking forward to it anyway.

 ***.*.*.*.***

"So…" Alec started, trying to keep his tone casual as he helped his sister, Isabelle, wipe down an empty cage that a dog had been adopted out of that day.

He had gone home earlier—after Magnus had left, coincidentally enough—but had agreed to come back to help clean the cages since Jace and Clary had a Hot Date and had taken off early that night. And besides, he'd wanted to talk to his sister anyway, and he wasn't above coming back to work to do as much, if the situation called for it, if it was dire enough. And he very much so thought that it was.

Magnus had spent a good deal of time with Izzy in the past year, given that she had been stuck with the cats most of the time, and Magnus was there _every_ single Tuesday. _And_ Magnus had mentioned something about being company for her when he was there, and he had asked Izzy about Alec's coffee preference. Despite how he wanted to keep his family out of his personal life whenever and wherever he could, he didn't see any other option _but_ to talk to his sister about Magnus, given that she surely knew him better than anyone else at the shelter did—though Alec wanted to personally change that, with enough time.

" _So…?_ " his sister repeated, idle curiosity painting the way she raised an eyebrow at him.

" _So_ … Magnus Bane," he said, anticipating her response and bracing himself for it.

Isabelle stopped what she was doing and whipped around to face her brother completely, giddy smile on her face as she did.

"I _knew_ you two would hit it off," she gushed, seemingly lovesick at the idea of them getting along, though they had spent so little time together, and Izzy had never _once_ mentioned Magnus to Alec before.

What had she been planning, he couldn't help but think, wondering now if the way she had complained so much about working in the cat room had been nothing but a ploy to get Alec to offer to switch with her.

She certainly _was_ diabolical enough that he would believe it.

He shook his head, though, a shy, amused smile on his face as he turned from her, pretending to be much too focused on the task at hand suddenly. If it had been a ploy, he thought, he owed her one.

"He's…" he began, feeling himself flush as he searched for the right word for a moment. "... he's _something_ , isn't he?" he asked, settling on that when he wanted to say beautiful, amazing, kind, understanding, trusting, lovely, _lovely_ , **_lovely_** instead.

Magnus was a _treasure_. But Izzy didn't need to know he thought as much. No need to give her a heart attack just yet, after all.

"He's a great guy," she agreed, knowing anyway; she always _had_ been able to read him like a book. Often times he had been grateful for that, but other times… he was less than appreciative of that fact, and right now he didn't know exactly which one he was. " _And_ he's single," she added, still knowing in that annoying way of hers.

Not that he didn't want to know that, not that that hadn't been part of his reason for bringing him up to her to begin with.

"Yeah?" Alec asked, head still ducked.

"Yeah," she replied.

Alec looked back up to her then, and saw the look in her eyes, felt the way she was considering him, Magnus, the situation, all of it. He felt in her gaze that she wanted this for Alec, wanted him to be happy, to be with someone he deserved, someone who deserved him, someone he wasn't going to be with _just_ for the sake of it to make their parents happy and to shut them up. She wanted very much for Magnus to not break his heart, for him to not break Magnus'. She wanted this very badly for both of them, and that was why he loved her, why he could talk to her about this, despite her... her-ness.

"How is someone like him single?" he asked, swallowing around the hard lump in his throat that was brought on by her intense love for him.

"How is someone like _you_?" she countered.

He shook his head in response, went back to cleaning the cages. He wanted to know _everything_ about Magnus, but now he wondered if his story wasn't so different from Alec's.

"So what's his deal?" he asked.

"Well," she began thoughtfully. "He's got this like… hotshot lawyer job? Or, well, he used to represent one of the biggest firms in the city, but then a new partner came in that he… clashed with? I don't know all the details, but I do know that, long story short, he left that firm and represents a lot of family cases now? I know it has something to do with his best friend being a social worker and his own hard childhood, but he glossed over most of the details," she shrugged, and Alec filed it away for later, thinking, a little arrogantly perhaps, that _he_ would be able to get all the details from Magnus at some point.

"He went through some nasty breakup a while back, and he hasn't been in a relationship since then; a fling here and there, but nothing that lasted more than a couple dates, and I think he's closed himself off to love since then, though he hasn't said as much. But I don't know, big brother, I just think he could use someone like you as much as you could use someone like him," she said then, giving him that wide eyed look of hers that told him she had already put way too much time and thought into this—if him and someone he had only just met could be considered a _this_ just yet, anyway.

"Is he even—"

"—gay? No. Bi? Yes," she interrupted, already seeming to sense where he was going with that particular question, which was _fair,_ he supposed.

Alec couldn't help the smile that came to his face then; he hadn't really been aware of the fact that he was full of a sort of yearning hope that things would align like that, that he might have a shot with Magnus, that _maybe_ …

"I'm just saying," Izzy began again then, taking advantage of the silence to take a step towards him to soothingly stroke his shoulder. "You never know what could happen if you don't take the chance. You deserve to be happy, big brother, to have a happy ending, and who knows? Magnus might just be that for you," she said, insistent.

And for a moment, Alec allowed himself to believe her.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	3. shake all the nonsense out

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 3:_  
 _shake all the nonsense out  
_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

"I think you have to take her home with you at this point," Alec said, watching Magnus cuddle up with Princess, as he had when they had first met.

He was constantly making faces at her through her cage, slipping his fingers inside the bars when she came up to it and began rubbing against it, vying for his attention whenever he was around. Any chance he could take to take her out and pet her, play with her, he took it. At this point, Alec himself knew they were meant for each other, as she _never_ perked up with anyone else like she did when Magnus was around. In fact, she seemed almost _sullen_ whenever anyone who wasn't Magnus tried to pet or hold her—like a petulant child who was missing their father.

If someone else adopted her before Magnus did, Alec didn't know that he would ever forgive himself for letting it happen.

"Hm?" Magnus said in reply, looking up idly to Alec, where he was stood with his arms crossed next to the desk, watching the pair of them with fondness and amusement.

"Princess. You _have_ to adopt her. I think I have to insist by now; it would be cruel and unusual punishment to bond with her so much and _not_ take her home, you know," Alec insisted.

Magnus made an amused noise and went to put Princess back in her cage, much to her chagrin—as usual.

"It _has_ been some time since I took someone home with me," he said thoughtfully, "Though I was _hoping_ the next thing I took home with me would be a bit taller and have a wonderful smile, but, beggars and choosers," he added, back still to Alec, and Alec pretended he hadn't heard that bit, much too flustered to think of anything to actually say to him in response.

(Not that he would _mind_ if Magnus took him home. Hell, Magnus could take him _and_ the cat home and Alec would be more than okay with that.)

Magnus finally turned back around to Alec, whose cheeks were still tinted red, though, thankfully, Magnus merely raised an amused eyebrow at him and left it at that.

"I _do_ think you're right, though," he said then, walking from the cage to the desk next to Alec, standing _just_ close enough that Alec could smell his cologne, could feel his breath as he exhaled, leaving a trail of goosebumps on his arms when he thought about the fact that they could touch, they were _so close_ , and thinking about Magnus _touching him_ left a warm pit in the center of his stomach. "I _should_ take her home. Would you mind getting the paperwork for me?" he asked, reaching behind Alec to grab a pen off the desk, the action bringing him closer to Alec, their bodies now _completely touching_ , his face _right_ fucking in front of Alec's.

If Alec had been braver, he thought, he would have closed the rest of the distance and kissed him, he would have unwound his arms from his chest and pulled Magnus closer against him, would have carded a hand through his hair, messing it up and pulling at it in the way it was just _begging_ to be done. He would have nuzzled at his neck afterwards, would have bit him, he thinks, because Magnus' neck is nothing if _not_ tempting. He would have—

"Alex- _an-der_?" Magnus said in a singsong of a voice, though it was hoarse too, Alec thought, with desire and temptation. Though whether or not that was just wistful thinking, Alec couldn't say.

Still, it was enough to snap him from his fantasies in _just_ enough time to catch Magnus' eyes flitting up from his lips.

( _Fuck.)_

"Sorry," Alec murmured, closing his eyes for a second to clear his head. "I'll just, uhm," he shook his head, opened his eyes and moved himself away from Magnus, knowing that was the only real way to get himself to think straight right now. "I'll grab that paperwork," he added, stumbling around to the other side of the desk to pull open the first drawer he could, looking down to pull out the packet of paperwork he was _sure_ Magnus was all too familiar with by now.

He saw, before he looked down, that Magnus was smirking, though he somehow looked _just_ as flustered as Alec felt at the same time. And that was solace enough somehow.

 ***.*.*.*.***

"So," Magnus began just as he was getting ready to leave, Princess sitting content in the carrier on the ground between him and Alec, his copy of his paperwork folded in his hands, the rest of it sitting on the desk to be filed later. "Would it be too forward," he paused, making Alec's heart skip a beat before it started to thud all too loudly in his chest, thinking back to their earlier encounter before Magnus had filled out his paperwork. He would remember that forever, he thought, would remember the feel of Magnus' warm breath and touch. If he got nothing else from Magnus Bane, he would have that at least. "To ask for your number?"

Alec's mouth dropped open at that, flustered and flabbergasted. He'd wanted Magnus' phone number, of course, but part of him had assumed that the other wouldn't want _Alec's,_ and would therefore never ask for it; he had thought, naively perhaps, that he would simply continue to pine over Magnus for weeks upon months before his sister _finally_ snapped on him and told him to man up and just ask for his number already before she did it _for_ him.

It would figure that Magnus Bane would be having absolutely _none_ of that.

( _Thank **God**.)_

"I…" Alec shook his head, a grin taking over his face. "I don't think so, no. I _would_ like to stay updated on how Princess is doing anyway, see how she's getting along with your other cats, make sure you're treating her like the _princess_ she very much so is," he said by way of explanation, though, if the sly grin on Magnus' face was anything to go by, the other didn't believe a word of it.

Instead, he merely held his phone out for Alec to type his name and number into it, heart racing and palms sweating all the while, though he would never admit to as much out loud.

 ***.*.*.*.***

Later that night, just as Alec was laying down in bed, he received a text from Magnus. It was a picture of Princess curled up on what he would assume was Magnus' bed, in a heap of other cats, all looking content and blissful near him.

And Alec wondered if _he_ would fall asleep looking so serene if he were in Magnus' bed himself.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	4. what are brothers for?

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 4:_  
 _what are brothers for?_

* * *

*.*.*.*.*

"So our sister tells me you've got a crush," Jace said, a sort of teasing smugness in his voice that had Alec freezing where he was at the coffee pot; it was well before business hours and they had just had their daily staff meeting that ended in coffee and chitchat before they all went about getting ready for the day.

Surprisingly, however, the only one to actually hang back that morning had been Jace, his adopted brother. Which, usually, would be fine, but Alec was in _far_ too good of a mood that morning and his brother had a nasty little habit of ruining good moods—sometimes unintentionally, sometimes very much so intentionally, depending on his own mood—so he would be lying if he said he wouldn't have preferred to be left to his own devices rather than deal with whatever it was that Jace was going to subject him to.

It was Tuesday, though, and Magnus would be there within hours, and _that_ would make up for anything Jace could do to his mood and then some…

In theory.

"She did not," Alec replied stubbornly, regaining his wits enough to go back to making his cup of coffee.

"No, she didn't," Jace relented, arms crossed, leaning back against the counter near Alec. "But she _did_ let it slip to Simon, who told Clary, who mentioned it to me…" he trailed off, smugness back as Alec let out a groan.

He was _sure_ Izzy hadn't meant any harm and that she had probably just mentioned it to Simon in passing while they were making small talk, but _Simon_ would have gone to Clary giddily with that information, and Clary would have mentioned it to Jace in passing, in concern, maybe, if the two of them were getting along on whichever day it had been when she mentioned it to Jace.

Part of the reason he had left in the first place, he was reminded then, was because there was absolutely no privacy around there; everyone was family, and everything was everyone's business, and sometimes it was just… _so_ suffocating. He was glad to be back some days, but other days… less so.

"So is it true?" Jace asked when Alec remained quiet.

He turned around, forgetting his coffee on the counter for now, and leveled Jace with a thoughtful look, trying to decide whether it was worth it to tell him the truth or not, whether he should tell him that it wasn't _just_ some silly little crush, that he was absolutely and completely smitten with Magnus Bane. Whether he should tell him that he looked forward to their Tuesday mornings together more than anything else these days. Whether he should tell him that they had exchanged only a few text messages in the past couple of weeks but that each and every one of them made Alec's heart beat in a way that wasn't normal, in a way that told him it was definitely _more_ than _just_ a crush and that it would absolutely turn into something much more than just being smitten if he wasn't careful.

He wanted so very badly to tell _someone_ that, but he was still trying to decide whether or not Jace was the right _someone_ to tell just yet.

"Nope," Alec replied finally, voice tight in a way that would have told anyone else that the conversation was over.

How could Alec forget, though, that Jace Herondale was anything _but_ anyone else?

Jace searched his face for a moment, and the two stood like that in a standoff, each trying to decide their next move, neither of them willing to back down. And Alec was _sure_ he was going to crack first, was going to admit everything to Jace and then some…

But then Jace shrugged before he could actually do as much, reached around and stole Alec's cup of coffee like the absolute brat that he was, before he said anything.

"Well then," he paused to take a sip of the coffee, and Alec was pleased that he hadn't gotten around to adding the sugar or cream yet when he saw the look that flashed across Jace's face as the bitter coffee settled over him. "I guess you won't _mind_ if I take the cat room today and you take the dogs?"

Alec's shoulders slumped at Jace's words, frown on his face. Either he insisted that he be in the cat room and confirm what Jace already knew and be subjected to teasing for God only knew how long… or he agree and spend his day with the dogs and _not_ see Magnus that week. Either way, he lost, and either way, Jace won.

 _(Fucking prick.)_

With a frown still on his face, he said, "Of course I don't mind," with a shrug to try to convey that it didn't make a difference to him, even though it very much so _did_.

Jace raised an eyebrow at him, but merely shrugged back, as if surprised that Alec had agreed, but not going to challenge him on it any further.

"Sounds like a plan then," he said.

To which Alec responded, "Sounds like it."

He would only have to wait another week before he could see Magnus; a week wasn't that long, was only 7 days. And he could always text Magnus in the meantime, if he was so inclined to, if he could actually think of anything to say that didn't make him come across as a lovesick teenager.

And if he couldn't think of anything… he could always just send Magnus pictures of cats he thought the other would like. Because cat pictures were always a good alternative to actually flirting with someone you were romantically interested in.

Naturally.

 ***.*.*.*.***

Alec had _somehow_ gotten through the day in the dog room without losing his mind completely. He had been on the edge of his seat most of the day, half expecting Magnus to come through the door at any moment, having just _sensed_ exactly where Alec was hiding—because God knew Jace wouldn't _volunteer_ the information of where Alec was or that it was his fault. Every time Maia came in or out with a dog, anytime a customer came in to look at the dogs, anytime the wind blew or a dog barked or paced their cage, Alec would look up from what he was doing to see if it was _Magnus._

It never was.

(Maia had thought he had lost his mind, he had been jumping so much that day, but, well, she thought most people who worked there were mentally unsound so he wasn't _too_ worried about it, he'd decided; he had more important things to waste his time worrying about.)

And that had left him just a little dejected, and a little disappointed, and a little sad at the end of the day, but it was only a week, he reminded himself. Next week he wouldn't let Jace goad him into taking the other room; next week, he would see Magnus if it was the death of him. Or Jace. More than likely it would be the death of _Jace_ , and if Alec had to see to that personally, then so be it.

 ***.*.*.*.***

As upset as he had been about not getting to see Magnus, he certainly hadn't been expecting a call that night from, well, Magnus himself.

But he had been thrilled all the same when his phone lit up with the other's name, and his heart had been beating in his chest when he scrambled to shut off the tv and pick it up before the other could change his mind and hang up, or before he got sent to voicemail and thought Alec didn't want to talk to him. After not getting to see him that day, Alec absolutely did not think he could handle missing a call from him too.

"Magnus," Alec breathed when he finally answered it, sounding out of breath when all he was doing was lying in bed.

" _Alexander_ ," Magnus seemed to purr.

"What's… what's up?" Alec said, shaking his head at himself. It was just a phone call, why couldn't he keep himself together when he and Magnus weren't even face to face?

" _Nothing, I just… wanted to make sure you were okay_ ," he said softly, concern in his tone that melted Alec's heart.

 _(Fuck.)_

" _Me_? Yeah, I'm fine, why would you—"

" _Your brother_ ," Magnus interrupted, sounding annoyed with Jace's very existence, much the same as Alec himself felt that day. " _Told me you weren't there today because you had come down with a case of something that was rather incurable; he almost made it sound like you were dying, and obviously I wanted to make sure that you weren't actually_."

"Obviously," Alec repeated, small grin on his face as he did, though it ebbed rather quickly when he realized what Magnus had said, what Jace could have _possibly_ told him. He was _so_ dead. "But… I'm fine. Jace was just being…"

" _An ass?"_

"Yeah, that," Alec laughed. "I was there, I was just with the dogs today; trust me when I say I would have _much_ rather have been with you and the cats instead."

" _Well if that isn't the sweetest thing you've ever said to me_ ," Magnus teased, his voice tickling the back of Alec's neck.

It was like he was _right there_ , Alec thought; if he closed his eyes, he could picture him, standing behind him in the cat room at work. And if he pushed his mind just a _little_ bit further, he could imagine Magnus was laying right next to him in bed instead, arms wrapped around him, breathing soundly into his neck.

He had seen the bottom of Magnus' stomach and the dip of the top of his chest before, and that was enough to allow his imagination to run a little bit wild with things, to fill in the gaps and imagine what the rest of his chest looked like, what the rest of his _body_ looked like, what it would look like pressed down into Alec's bed, what it would look like with Alec's hands and lips all over him, what he would look like when Alec—

" _I can always tell when you're thinking about me_ ," Magnus said then, quietly, pulling Alec from his daydream. " _Not in a bad way_ ," he added hastily, as if he could see the look of panic and the blush that had crept up onto Alec's face at the suggestion. " _You just… tend to get quiet and look like you're having a better time in your head, that's all_."

"I always have a good time when I'm with you," Alec said before he could help himself.

" _I don't doubt that_ ," Magnus said, amused. " _But… I'm sure you're having even more of a good time in your fantasies_ ," he said, still soft, still amused. Still turning Alec on impossibly more.

"Maybe one day I'll have as much of a good time in real life," Alec said, bold now that he had given so much away.

" _I think I would like that just as much as you would._ "

And Alec grinned for the rest of their conversation afterwards, and fell asleep with Magnus on his mind, and that same smile on his lips.

Maybe he owed Jace a _thank you_ for making him switch rooms with him that day.

*.*.*.*.*


	5. not soon enough

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 5:_  
 _not soon enough_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

"Why don't you just work here?" Alec asked one morning, leaning back in his chair, watching Magnus run about the room and take care of the things _he_ was meant to be taking care of, but that Magnus had insisted upon doing himself instead.

"Just sit there and look pretty," Magnus had said, pressing Alec back down into his chair when he tried to rise from it to get on with his day.

He had been complaining about being tired, that he'd worked 14 hours the previous day and then had to meet with his parents to discuss how the shelter was going, how they were doing, how the divorce was going, how his siblings were doing, and _that_ had taken all night, naturally, and then he'd had to be back at work bright and early that morning…

Needless to say, he was _exhausted_ , and Magnus was nothing if not sympathetic to that. Alec felt bad, of course, that he was just sitting around, watching Magnus do his work for him rather than participate himself, but he had to admit, it _did_ feel nice to have someone dote on him like this, to have someone give a fuck about how tired he was and realize that it was important for him to get some rest.

He owed Magnus dinner for this, if nothing else.

In his time of just sitting there and looking pretty, he had had much too much time to think, to scroll through their text conversations, to think about the way he looked forward to these mornings, about how much he thought about Magnus when he wasn't there, and how nice it would be to have Magnus around more.

Magnus turned around from cleaning an empty cage, sleeves rolled up to his elbows in a perfectly distracting way, and raised an eyebrow at Alec, who felt himself flush in turn.

"I just mean," he began, feeling the need to explain himself quickly and thoroughly. "You do such a good job, you know everything there is to know about everything that goes on in this place, the people love you, the animals love you—"

Magnus' grin grew the more Alec spoke and he closed his mouth abruptly, thinking he couldn't trust his mouth at the rate it was saying things like that; if he wasn't careful, he was going to tell Magnus he thought he was beautiful, and smart, and kind, and funny, and handsome, and he looked like his kisses would taste like raindrops and feel like the sun on his favorite Cali beach.

From the tilt of Magnus' eyebrows, though, Alec thought Magnus already knew he thought as much and then some, which wasn't fair in the _slightest_.

"I _could_ work here," he said after a beat. "And I've definitely been considering it a lot more as of late, but…" he shrugged, eyes still locked on Alec. "Unfortunately, my other job keeps me far too busy to work here full time. I dedicate the one morning a week here because it helps me relax and gives me something… different from what I usually do, to keep me from burning out completely."

He tilted his head in that adorable way of his as he finished his thought, and Alec blinked at him for a moment, wondering to himself if he was _trying_ to captivate Alec to get him to drop the subject or if he just did it without even trying. Though he knew that the much more likely explanation was that he was just head over heels for Magnus, and he was good at distracting himself from the subject at hand when he was around.

"Right, how could I forget? Hot shot lawyer, Izzy was telling me?" he said, their conversation coming back to the forefront of his mind for a moment before he pushed it back down again.

"Well, not so much a hotshot anymore," he said with a shrug. "I'm mostly a family lawyer these days; I specialize in child abuse and negligence, but I dabble in all areas of the law. Your mother even asked me to represent her in your parents' divorce, but I thought I was much too biased, so I gave her the number of a good friend instead—though I _do_ imagine if I had agreed to represent her I would have been invited to a family dinner by now," he added, eyes shining playfully.

Alec gave him a grin despite himself, turning that bit of information over in his head now, and he went back to considering the other while Magnus went back to cleaning the cage.

Alec hadn't given it too much thought when Izzy had originally told him that Magnus was a lawyer, but now, given a spare few minutes, he thought to himself that Magnus didn't exactly _look_ like what Alec thought of when he thought about a lawyer. He supposed there was no set way for what a lawyer was _supposed_ to look like—were they supposed to have thin, greying hair, perpetual frown lines and wrinkles, wear a drab suit and carry a briefcase everywhere? That was only how they were portrayed on tv, where they _had_ to look serious and drab to carry an air of authority and assholery about them so you could tell who they were and what they did without them having to announce it every time they came on screen. And Magnus carried _plenty_ of authority about him, but an asshole he was not; he _probably_ didn't wear some boring black or navy suit, or black, polished shoes, and he _probably_ didn't slick his hair back or let it fall straight on his head or leave his eyeliner at home.

But it still made sense, now that Alec actually thought about it. The word _lawyer_ fit him, even though it was in a distant way where Alec pictured him buying a poor, abused child an ice cream cone after a trial that would decide whether or not they had to go back to live with their abuser, that Magnus obviously won in favor of the child _not_ having to go back to live with them.

It was still a movie image, but it was more Magnus, and made all too much sense.

And of course, it just proved all the more that his heart was far, _far_ too big, and if Alec thought for even a moment before that he had deserved Magnus, he was proven wrong just then. Alec would never deserve someone like Magnus, no matter how badly he wanted him.

"So why aren't you a hotshot anymore?" Alec asked, though he caught himself not a second later and added, "I just mean, my sister told me you used to work for this huge firm, but you left it? Not many people just walk away from a job like that."

"No," Magnus agreed. "but… well, I left the firm because someone came in and took over the firm that I… couldn't exactly work with," he explained slowly, seeming to be thinking over his words carefully before he said them.

"Why not?" Alec asked curiously, his interest definitely a little more than just piqued.

"Well," he stopped what he was doing and walked over to perch himself on the edge of the desk just in front of Alec, deep in thought for a moment. "if you must know… it's because it was my father who took over the firm," he said, his words guarded in a way that Alec was not used to with him.

Alec nodded, waiting to see if Magnus would go on to explain more, but, when he didn't, Alec tried to piece it together himself; he wanted to say he understood, simply because he _had_ worked for and with his father for years, and it was not something he would choose, if he _had_ the choice. But something about the way Magnus was broaching this particular subject told him that there was more to it than just not wanting to work with his father. What kind of bad blood was there between them to make Magnus leave his job because of him? And why would his father take over his firm if their relationship was strained, or whatever it was?

"I take it you're not your old man's biggest fan?" Alec finally said, careful as he did so.

"Oh, Alexander, if only you knew the half of it," Magnus sighed, sounding defeated and exhausted in a heartbreaking way that Alec absolutely could not stand for.

And then, without thinking, Alec stood from his seat and drew Magnus into a hug that they both needed; he felt Magnus' body sigh into his own at the contact, and felt him bury his face in the crook of Alec's neck.

And though Alec was meant to be comforting Magnus in that moment, it still felt like Magnus was helping Alec put himself back together as well, almost felt like the only place in the world that Alec belonged was in that hug. And as he thought to himself that he could get used to holding Magnus close like this, he wondered if this was what it meant to have a person feel like home.

 ***.*.*.*.***

 _You seemed quiet after we talked about what I do for a living,_ Magnus had texted while Alec was in the shower, the familiar ding that Alec had designated just for Magnus making him rush through the rest of his shower and almost slip getting out of it.

He hastily wrapped a towel around his waist, hair still damp and clinging to his forehead, dripping down his face and neck, and grabbed for the phone he had left sitting on his sink, not caring in the least that he was getting the screen wet as he unlocked it and swiped into Magnus' text.

The tone of the text would have seemed accusatory were the sender anyone else, but from Magnus, it simply seemed…

Curious. Thoughtful. Worrying, perhaps, but not accusing. Never accusing.

It wasn't even an actual question, so open ended and allowing for Alec to respond or not respond in whatever way he deemed necessary. Magnus was never trying to take more than necessary, even though Alec would have given him as much and then some.

 _I was just trying to picture you in a suit and tie,_ he replied, lips quirking playfully as he did, imagining a similar smile on Magnus' face as he read it.

 _Soon,_ was all Magnus replied, and though it should have read as cryptic, Alec couldn't help but smile all the wider at the one worded response, the promise.

 _Soon_ wouldn't be soon **_enough_** , Alec knew.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	6. selfish

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 6:_  
 _selfish_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

It was almost like Magnus had just been _waiting_ to talk to Alec about what he did for a living; before, they talked about Alec, about animals, about music and shows and family and histories, and the shelter, but they had _never_ talked about what Magnus did on a daily basis, what his life was like, what his job was like. But in the week since he had finally revealed what he did for a living, even though Alec had already _known_ , he had been texting and calling Alec to vent and talk about it like they had been doing it for years.

It was rather overwhelming at first, and Alec had to google a lot of the lingo, but, what mattered more than understanding it all was being an ear for Magnus, a shoulder, someone there to listen when he was stressed ragged over his current case or exhausted beyond reason because he had had to stay late at the office taking care of paperwork the night before and had to be in court bright and early the next morning.

Just that Monday night, he had called Alec near tears over the case he was currently working on concerning a little girl no older than five or six named Madzie, who had been so badly neglected and abused she refused to speak to anyone other than Magnus and his close friend, and her social worker, Catarina, once she got to know them. At first, people had wondered whether she could even speak at all, it had been so bad.

Needless to say, there had been a lot to unpack in the previous week, and Alec was looking forward to that Tuesday morning so he could just give Magnus a hug and some coffee, because God knew he needed it more than Alec did that week.

He had been more than just looking forward to it, actually, so, naturally, when he got a text from Magnus telling him he wouldn't be able to make it that week because of his current case, he felt petulant and pouty, to put it mildly.

It could hardly be helped, however; some distant relative who had been paramount to little Madzie's abuse was trying to file for custody, and it was all A Mess, so, while he felt truly awful that he wouldn't get to see Alec's pretty face that morning because it made all the stress of his week worth it, he would unfortunately not be able to make it that week and he was more sorry than Alec could ever really know.

The smile that Clary had commented on that morning when he came in whistling turned into a frown rather quickly after reading said the text explaining everything, and he was sure it was going to stay with him all day. It couldn't be helped, he knew, because things just… _Happened_ sometimes. Especially considering Magnus' line of work, it was a wonder he could even get away with taking a whole morning off every single week as it was; the fact that this hadn't happened before actually might have been the true wonder, Alec thought.

He sent back a text saying that he understood, and it was alright, he was sure the cats would survive without Magnus for one week.

 _It's not the cats I'm worried about_ , Magnus sent back cheekily, bringing a smile back to Alec's lips.

Alec sent back a selfie that showed him looking unimpressed but still amused, and earned him a slew of emojis in response. Whatever was he going to do with Magnus Bane, he couldn't help but wonder to himself.

 ***.*.*.*.***

It was an alright morning without Magnus around, by all comparisons. It could have been made better by Magnus _actually_ being there, but he texted when he could, and Alec was mostly kept busy with all the new cats they had gotten in over the weekend, so it went by fast enough. Nothing made up for actually being around Magnus, though, and by lunchtime Alec was antsy, for lack of a better word.

 _Feel free to say no if this is too weird,_ he sent Magnus as a text, trailing off as he reconsidered whether or not he _actually_ wanted to go through with what he was about to ask.

And really, it was probably better to just… leave it alone, when he thought about it in the space that followed him sending that first text, thumbs still hovering over the screen, considering. Magnus would need his rest, Alec thought, it had already been a long day just from what he had told Alec, and he was sure it was only going to get longer into the afternoon. He needed to be left alone so he could recuperate from his long day, and be ready for what Alec was sure would be an even longer rest of his week.

But Alec felt so _selfish_ when it came to Magnus sometimes, he was beginning to find, even though he had no right to be—they weren't even dating or anything and Alec wasn't _entitled_ to Magnus' time or energy.

And yet…

 _I'm listening,_ Magnus replied.

With that, Alec knew he had lost all hope for leaving Magnus alone for the day. As if it had ever really existed in the first place.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	7. we suffer, we survive

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 7:_  
 _we suffer, we survive_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

Alec didn't think this counted as a date, he decided, standing just outside the door that belonged to the address Magnus had texted him earlier that afternoon. He was _pretty_ _sure_ bringing food over to a friend where it would be just the two of you when you had both previously expressed that you found the other attractive wasn't a date, alright? It _wasn't_.

And so what if they stayed up until all hours of the night texting or talking about their lives and everything that was going on? So what if Magnus had met all of Alec's family and they all knew and loved him? And so what if they sent sexy-ish selfies back and forth and flirted a good deal of the time and every time Alec looked at him he forgot how to _breathe_?

What had been his point again?

"Alexander," Magnus purred, throwing the massive door open before Alec even had the chance to properly knock, surprising Alec _just_ enough that it took a moment before he could let a smile come to his face, though when it finally did he saw one reflected on Magnus' face as well.

And he knew then that everything leading up to this had been well worth it.

"When you said you were bringing me food, I must admit, I hadn't quite been sure what to expect," he continued, looking Alec up and down thoughtfully, slowly, as if he were going to be eating _him_ instead of the pizza he had in his hands.

And that was a _thought_ , wasn't it?

 _(Bad thoughts, Alec,_ he reprimanded himself, _Bad, baaaad thoughts.)_

"Right, well," Alec cleared his throat, trying to shake off a blush that had absolutely no business being on his face to begin with. "I figure this way you can have your dinner hot, and still have some to have for breakfast tomorrow morning; your only experience with cold pizza shouldn't just be Jace's leftovers, it should be _our_ leftovers too," he insisted, adamant.

When Magnus shook his head in a playful way and gestured for Alec to come in, he knew that had been the right thing to say. Not that there was necessarily a _wrong_ thing to say when you were bringing someone free pizza, but…

"It was sweet of you to offer to bring me anything at all," Magnus said as Alec stepped inside, took a sweep of the room, and felt that disorienting strangeness one felt when they went to a new place for the first time.

And it _was_ strange, but at the same time not so much, and that was simply because the whole house was new, but very much so Magnus at the same time.

It was modern and chic, but somehow still unique and timeless in an almost ancient sort of way that Alec didn't think should go good together but that somehow did anyway. More than that, it smelled like Magnus, strong and crisp, and memorable. It was definitely a setting Alec could get used to, wanted to get used to, _hoped_ he could get used to. It was so strange and new, but it all felt so right anyway.

He wasn't seeing the cats, but he knew, from all the pictures he had seen, all the stories he had heard, that they were around somewhere—probably upstairs or out on the balcony or something, if he had to guess. Alec was sure he would see them all before he left, at the very least, assuming Magnus didn't kick him out within the next five minutes.

"Well, we can't have you wasting away," Alec replied finally, and was met with a chuckle full of mirth.

Magnus was at his elbow then, suddenly, and grabbed onto it delicately to steer him away from where he was standing and directed him to the next room where an elegant mahogany table with high back chairs to match were. All the way to the table, Alec's skin burned under his jacket where Magnus was touching him.

"I won't make you eat in here, I promise," Magnus said when Alec deposited the food down on the table and eyed the chairs that looked rather uncomfortable.

He wouldn't have minded eating in them, would have done it for Magnus and his sake, but, well, there _were_ much more comfortable places to eat pizza, of all things. If he had brought Chinese food or something instead, then he could understand eating at a proper table, but pizza was meant to be eaten on couches, not at tables you had important meetings and family dinners at.

"Not tonight, anyway," Magnus added, an afterthought before he fluttered away and left Alec to stand there, not knowing where Magnus was going or what he was going to do with himself in the meantime.

"Where—"

"To get plates and drinks!" Magnus yelled back, not waiting for Alec to finish the question. "Make yourself at home, find something to watch or a cat to pet; I'll be right back!"

Alec blinked to himself in surprise, in wonder, confusion. He didn't even know where a tv or a cat _was_ , so how Magnus expected him to make himself at home with either of those things was beyond him.

And yet somehow, that was entirely endearing in and of itself.

 ***.*.*.*.***

Both the cats _and_ the tv turned out to be in the same room, Alec found out when Magnus finally came back and wondered why Alec was still just standing there; a pretty face could only get you so far, you had to be good at following directions sometimes too, he had said teasingly.

When he had explained that he didn't know where anything _was_ and reminded Magnus that it was only his _first_ time there, Magnus had seemed taken aback, as if remembering that he hadn't really known Alec for all that long at all, that he had never had Alec over before. Alec often times needed to remind himself of that fact as well, though, so he had no choice but to forgive Magnus for thinking along the same lines.

He'd brushed it all off quickly enough, however, and after they loaded up their plates with their fill, he led Alec off to the sitting room, which had a much more comfortable feel to it. And whether that was because of the large television set that took up a large portion of one wall, or the dozen or so cats that were scattered about the room, Alec couldn't say, though he was sure it was probably somehow both at the same time.

"You would think they would prefer the sunroom upstairs," Magnus said, shooing a few of them off the couch in the center of the room so he and Alec could plop themselves down on it. "But there's just something about this tv I guess. _Cats_ ," he shook his head in amusement, derisive, as if he didn't understand them _at all_ when Alec was _sure_ he was part cat himself some days.

Alec grinned and picked a pepperoni off a slice of his pizza to nibble on, very glad that Magnus hadn't been able to make it to the shelter that morning.

 ***.*.*.*.***

"God, I should have _known_ you were an only child!" Alec laughed, moving to the side when Magnus threw a pillow at him in retaliation to his giggling.

"Not all of us are so blessed to have a plethora of siblings and family members at our disposal," Magnus replied, almost indignant with the words as Alec flung a pillow back at him, grinning all the while.

They had finished the pizza some hours ago—Alec didn't even know what time it was anymore, hadn't checked his phone since he had first sat down on the couch with Magnus and the food—but had been too engrossed in their talking to call it a night, even though they both knew that they should have ages ago. They both still had work in the morning, after all, still had lives that would need to be lived whether they were dead tired or not.

And yet...

" _'Blessed'_ ," Alec snorted, drawing his legs up on the couch to cross them underneath himself as Magnus drew the pillow to his chest and hugged it close to his body. "You've spent how much time with Jace? And you're really trying to tell me I'm _blessed?"_ he shook his head.

"I know Jace can be a bit… _Jace_ ," Magnus conceded, thoughtful all the while, seeming to pick his words carefully now. "But I also know you two are thick as thieves; your brother was your best friend growing up, and he's still your best friend _now_. As crazy as he might drive you, I also know you're glad to have him," he insisted, giving Alec a knowing look.

Alec nodded, ready to give Magnus that much. Jace had been his best friend from the moment they had met when they were all of six and seven years old; they had been inseparable up until the moment Alec got it in his head that he had to get his life in order and Settle Down, and Jace hadn't approved in the slightest—and for good reason, of course.

Alec had been so… Not himself, had been acting rashly, without thinking, had been so desperate to get away that he had been willing to take the first out he could think of, even though it wasn't one that had been right for him in the slightest, and Jace had known that. _Of course_ he had, he had always known Alec better than Alec knew himself, and vice versa, and that had absolutely destroyed their bond for the longest time.

Alec sank back into the couch and sighed.

"Him and I… we're still not back to where we used to be, and I don't know how to get my best friend back—not completely. I missed… so god damn much," he said, looking to Magnus with a pathetic, helpless look on his face. "When I left, him and I got into this huge ass argument, and we didn't speak for the longest time afterwards, and when we did it was just… just texts that didn't really mean anything. And then I came back, and we've been acting like everything is okay, but it's not, Magnus, it's… God, it's just _not_."

Magnus nodded in sympathy, and scooted closer to Alec on the couch, reached his hand out to grab his in a silent offer of support that Alec appreciated more than anything in the world in that moment.

"What happened? Was it just that you left or was it over something else too?"

Alec bit his bottom lip in thought for a moment as Magnus played with his fingers in comfort, allowing him the space and time to turn over everything in his head. God, he was far too patient and understanding sometimes, and it almost wasn't even fair. How could Alec even think about not sharing every little detail of his life with the other when he was being so... _him?_

"Has anyone ever told you about Max?" Alec asked then, suddenly, speaking the name out loud for the first time in so, _so_ long that it made his chest ache with it and all the memories that it called forward.

It was like opening a dam, speaking that name, and it let a million things flood through, memories and feelings that waged war against each other in the most beautiful and awful sort of way, a storm that would leave no survivors, if left to its own devices. It was exactly what Alec had been running away from, what he had hoped to never have to deal with.

"No," Magnus said finally, softly, a million miles away from where Alec's head and heart had gone.

"Max," Alec began, taking in a shaky breath. "was our baby brother, the youngest of all of us. He was only 9 when… when he died," he said quietly, so god damn quietly that he barely even recognized his own voice as he closed his eyes and focused on nothing other than the feeling of Magnus' hand in his own: warm, and soft, and comforting, grounding him in reality when everything in him wanted to let go and float away with the memories and the grief that threatened to swallow him up and never return him.

"I loved him so much, Magnus," he choked out, a sob ripping its way through his throat. "but it wasn't enough. And the kicker? The god damn irony of it? He died… because of a dog attack. He was just out. Playing at the park, and a pack of stray dogs… I've had my fair share of dog bites, doing what I do, and I can't even _imagine_ the pain he felt in his final moments, Magnus, I…"

He couldn't fucking _breathe_ suddenly, every little emotion that he had pushed down fighting its way to the surface and demanding attention in the most overwhelming of ways. He gasped as he forced in a breath around the tears, the pain gripping at his chest, imagining the screams his little brother must have let out in those final moments for what was not the first time.

He felt the teeth Max must have suffered from digging and tearing at his own flesh even though he knew there was nothing there that could harm him. He wondered if Max had called out for him, for their parents, for Jace or Izzy or if he had cried out at all. He had liked to play brave, liked to believe he was like Jace and Alec and could handle the world; had he cried out at all, or had he accepted his fate? Had he gone out a fighter, a soldier, a brave little boy who only aspired to be like his older brothers? Or had he been the child that he very much so still was, would always be now?

Alec could never know the answers to those questions, and that was almost too much. It was _all_ too much.

"Alexander," Magnus said, his voice breaking through in a way Alec both appreciated and didn't at the same time, hand squeezing desperately at the other's. "I am so, _so_ sorry," he breathed, soothing, soft, comforting.

And Alec all but laughed at it, at this moment, at pouring his heart, his life's story out on Magnus Bane's couch when just an hour ago he had been thinking about what it would be like to _pin_ Magnus to the couch instead. Life was so terribly cruel and funny sometimes that Alec could hardly believe it.

"It's…" he trailed off, wanting to say that it was fine, but… it wasn't, was it? And that was the biggest tragedy of it all. "… I don't know, you know? We all dealt with it badly. Jace started driving a motorcycle, Izzy started staying out in bars on the wrong side of town, and Jace started joining her, eventually, under the guise of keeping her out of trouble, even though he got into more of it than she did, most nights; mom and dad started fighting… and I ran away. I ran so fucking far away thinking I would be able to just… leave Max and what happened behind. I thought, if I got far enough away, if I lived a life that was so far from my own, I wouldn't have to deal with it, and I wouldn't have to miss him, and I wouldn't have to feel _this_ …" he took his free hand and placed it over his chest where everything hurt; it felt like it had all just happened, like they had just gotten the news, and the funeral was tomorrow.

And it wasn't _fair_. Nothing about this was fair at all. He had felt this pain when it had first happened, and even if he hadn't _properly_ dealt with it that was no reason he had to feel it all as intensely all over again.

"And I should have felt bad about using Lydia to escape all this, but… how do you make yourself feel bad about doing what you have to do to survive? If I had stayed here… I don't know that I would have survived it," Alec admitted, feeling like the most god awful person on earth as he did.

He knew now that Lydia wasn't the sort of person who deserved that; hindsight was always 20-20, so it was so easy to know what the exact wrong thing to do at the time had been, it was easy for Alec to say it was fucked up to use another human being to try to deal with his grief, but at the time… he had also been the one who had thought it was the only way to deal with it, _and_ to make his parents happy at the same time. He had made those choices, those decisions, knowing full well what he was doing, thinking they were the only way he had to deal with any of it.

How could he be faulted for that?

"You're surviving it now, aren't you?" Magnus asked, though his tone was anything but judgmental. It was a reminder, more like, still very much so reassuring and gentle.

"Is this what surviving feels like?" he asked. "Because if this is surviving, I don't know that I want to know what suffering is," he said, somewhat bitterly.

Magnus shifted beside him, and Alec opened his eyes despite himself, well aware that they were shining with tears that had already trailed down the side of his face as his eyes locked with Magnus', and he was taken aback, a gasp escaping him at the intensity that he found there.

"Surviving _is_ suffering. It's not fair, not even a little, but sometimes to know suffering is the only way to know you're surviving; the suffering won't last forever, Alexander, but trying to block it out, trying to run away from it, to forget about whatever is causing your suffering, is no way to live. Eventually, the past catches up with you, and when it does… it's not always pretty; suffering now is better than suffering later, even if it doesn't seem like it. Better to let life knock you off your feet when you know it's coming than to have it blindside you later on," he finished, bringing his free hand to wipe away at Alec's tears.

And Alec knew he was right—he wasn't so far gone that he couldn't recognize logic when it was presented to him, especially when it was presented to him by Magnus Bane, of all people.

"And then Jace had the god damn audacity to get into a motorcycle accident," Alec blubbered despite himself suddenly, _everything_ pouring out now that it had the chance to. "Like losing one brother wasn't hard enough. And _no one_ told me, Magnus, no one thought to pick up the fucking phone and tell me until a week later. They didn't want to worry me, my mother had said, but what they meant is that they didn't think I could handle it, but they should have told me. Jace is my _best friend_ , and I wanted to be in that hospital room with him, sitting right next to his bed, calling him an idiot for it. But I couldn't be, and that killed me more than anything. I had thought I was past it all, that I was strong enough to handle being back home; I'd had the sense to not marry Lydia, so didn't that mean I was okay? That I could come back to my old life without it being an issue? I had thought I would be okay, so I made my plans to come back. But it's really not okay, is it?" he asked, swallowing hard as he looked at Magnus, feeling helpless and vulnerable as he did.

"It _will_ be, Alexander," Magnus promised, stern and stubborn and sure of the words when Alec most assuredly was not. "It will be."

 ***.*.*.*.***


	8. spending the night

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 8:_  
 _spending the night_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

Alec certainly hadn't _meant_ to fall asleep, but somehow, someway, he was jerked awake by his cell phone blaring Jace's obnoxious ringtone anyway. He was aware then, in the back of his mind, that he very much so had done just that, however. He reached around blindly in the dark and sent him straight to voicemail. It served him right; who the _hell_ called before Alec's alarm had even gone off yet? If it was an emergency, he could text his grievances and Alec might actually read that and get back to him, but he took no phone calls before his alarm went off—that had been a hard and fast rule for _years_ and Jace damn well knew it.

He felt oddly smug about that thought too, and went to turn over to cuddle back into his pillow and blankets for a little while longer…

But felt a weight on his chest at the last moment and stopped himself from following through with that urge.

"What the _hell_ —" he murmured to himself, cracking his eyes open to see what was on him.

And was nothing short of shocked to see the little white puffball that _was_ Princess curled up and sleeping on his chest.

Well _shit_.

As soon as he had such a thought, he suddenly saw Magnus grinning down at him with two cups of coffee in his hands, and grinned sleepily despite himself.

"I'm not sure who I'm more jealous of right now," he sighed, taking a sip of one of the cups. "Though if I had to say, I think I might go with you; she _never_ wants to cuddle with me like that," he added, pouting in a playful way before he offered Alec a wink.

Alec stared up at him for a moment, and looked to the coffee cups longingly, before he brought his hands up to pet at Princess evenly, lazily, thoughtlessly; she was purring under his hands and it was vibrating his chest in a way that made him want to go back to sleep even more than he had before.

"She's not living her best life then," Alec quipped sleepily, then looked down as best he could to address her instead now. "Honey, I'm gonna have to sit up now; daddy needs his coffee," he said, holding onto her as he swung up to a sitting position.

She made an offended sort of meow as she dropped down into his lap and then jumped off him completely, walking from the room in what could only be described as a dramatic huff.

Her and Magnus were absolutely _made_ for each other.

" _Daddy_ , huh?" Magnus quoted, handing Alec a cup with a smug look on his face as he took the seat on the couch next to Alec, turning so he was sitting cross-legged and right in front of Alec, mimicking the position Alec had taken up the night before.

"Shut up," Alec said, burying his blush in his coffee mug, remembering the previous night they had shared together—the long conversations about nothing at all, and about everything at once, the easy and hard conversations that Alec didn't mind having with Magnus because it was _easy_ , because everything was _so easy_ with Magnus.

And it had been _nice_ , to share parts of himself that he hadn't shared with anyone in what felt like a lifetime, to be allowed access to parts of Magnus that he had the feeling no one else had been privy to in a lifetime either.

(If Alec wasn't careful, he knew he was going to fall in love with Magnus Bane. And he also knew that wouldn't be a bad thing in any sense of the word; he was almost even looking forward to it.)

He was staring, he realized then, idly, but it was alright, he thought in that same moment, because Magnus was staring back too, and the air was heavy and featherlight between them with _something,_ with the same realization flitting through both of their minds. Usually, he blushed hotly when Magnus caught him staring, but this moment was so… otherworldly, and this feeling between them was so palpable, that Alec couldn't find it in him to be embarrassed in the slightest.

Further proving just how doomed he was when it came to Magnus Bane.

Magnus' lips were parted slightly, and he looked like he wanted to say _something_ that filled Alec with a sort of curiosity that felt like it wanted to explode in his stomach, spread through his veins, pump through his whole being until the question was exploding out of his mouth without his consent.

Before anything could come of said explosion, however, his phone started going off _again_ with Jace's ringtone, and he groaned, twisting to where it was resting on a nearby table to grab for it. He couldn't fault Jace for calling before his alarm had gone off anymore because _his alarm hadn't even been set_ _for that day_ , and he was sure he was late for work or a meeting or something—he hadn't even checked the time yet, for fuck's sake.

(And that was completely Magnus' fault for being so, well, Magnus, but he would deal with that later, he supposed, when he had the luxury of time to place blame on him.)

"Sorry," he mumbled to Magnus as he waved the phone around vaguely.

Magnus waved him off, took a sip of his own coffee as Alec answered his phone, fully prepared for the hissing of _where the fuck are you_ , that was sure to come from Jace's mouth when he finally answered.

He was surprised, and was sure that it showed, when, instead, Jace said, " _Alec! Where are you? Are you okay?"_

"Yeah," Alec said slowly, pulling the phone away from his ear to look at the name on the screen to be sure it was _his_ Jace. "I'm fine, why?"

"Maryse said you didn't come home last night, and you weren't at the meeting this morning, and you're not here now, and you sent me to voicemail last time I called, so you're _obviously_ dead in a ditch somewhere…"

"Sure," Alec snorted, glad that Jace fell back into their normal banter and that the worried edge was gone from his voice; it had filled Alec with a sort of anxiety that he didn't think anyone should be made to deal with so early in the morning. "Is this about you having to actually talk to Simon without me there to play the middleman? Because eventually—"

"I swear to god if the next words out of your mouth are _you have to get o—"_

"You _do_ have to get over it, you dumbass—"

"The best part about being an adult is that I don't _have_ to do anything I—"

"No, you still have to do shit you don't want to do, that's, like, _all_ adulthood is some days—"

"And other days, like today, you don't have to do shit you don't—"

"God, are you _sure_ you're like, an actual full-fledged adult? Because some days, Jace, I wonder—"

"First of all, _I'm_ not the one who was out all night and didn't call or text anyone to let us know you were alright, do you know how immature—"

"I am not a child, Jonathan."

"I cannot believe you just called me that! You _are_ such a child—"

" _You're_ the child!"

"Takes one to know one!"

"Oh my god, I will hang up on you, this is why we fucking _text_ instead."

"Just tell me if you're coming to work today, and we can forget this whole exchange ever happened."

"Yes, of course I am coming to work, you idiot."

"Again with the name calling."

"Says _you—"_

" _Where_ have you been all night exactly?"

And _that_ is where Alec paused, mouth opening and closing momentarily as he considered whether to lie or not. He and Jace had already been here, and he had tried desperately to not let Jace know of his feelings for Magnus…

Though he couldn't seem to remember the exact _why_ anymore. Something about Jace being a smug bastard and not wanting to give him the satisfaction of being right. It hardly mattered anymore, though, would probably never matter ever again.

Magnus raised a curious eyebrow at Alec and his silence, an obvious eavesdropper whom Alec didn't mind in the least.

"At Magnus'," Alec finally replied, half a smile on his face, and for a moment, he swore he saw relief flit across Magnus' face, but it was gone before Alec could really decide if that was what it actually was or not.

Jace was silent on the other end, but Alec could just _see_ the look that had crossed over his face when he said, "Well, we'll be talking all about _that_ when you get here."

"Wouldn't have it any other way," Alec replied, hanging up without another word or waiting for Jace to say anything else.

He was going to hear all about it when he got to work anyway, no need to subject himself to anything like that now, when he didn't have to, when he could still revel in Magnus' presence for whatever small few moments that they had left together that morning.

"I…" Alec began, giving Magnus an apologetic look as he did.

"Need to go?" Magnus finished when Alec couldn't seem to bring himself to finish the sentence himself, unwanting or willing to leave Magnus.

"Yeah, sorry, I… didn't mean to fall asleep without setting an alarm, and I'm way late, and…"

Magnus raised a single finger to press to Alec's lips to silence him, which sent a shiver through Alec's being. He was tempted to say _fuck it_ to work now, to stay here with Magnus and just… _be_. There was so much more they had to talk about, so much more for him to say, for Magnus to say, so much more for them to get out of spending time with one another—it really wasn't fair that they had to interrupt all that by going to work now.

"I'm fairly late myself," Magnus said after way too long of a pause, finger still pressed to Alec's lips. "So. We'll have to do breakfast some other time," he added, finally letting his finger fall, regrettably.

"Of course," Alec said, leaning close to press his lips to Magnus' cheek before he rose from the couch and went to get ready to head out for work where he would face something of a torturous morning.

But, looking back at the look on Magnus' face, Alec thought it was worth it. It was all worth it.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	9. it's different

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 9:_  
 _it's different_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

Maybe if Alec shifted the focus immediately to work and the shelter then Jace would leave the fact that he'd spent the entire night with Magnus alone. Or maybe he would be so engrossed in his own work that he would have forgotten entirely that Alec had been absent that morning, that he had been out all night to begin with. Maybe Alec would just catch a break for a change—wouldn't that be a nice change of pace?

He really and truly should have expected that was asking too much, should have _known_ Jace would be sitting at the receptionist's desk—waiting. He wasn't even pretending to work, was just sitting there, feet kicked up onto the desk with a smirk on his face that _told_ Alec he had been waiting for him when he walked through the door.

He _absolutely_ should have known better.

"Let's just get this over with," Alec sighed, resisting the urge to let out a groan.

Jace gave a small shrug and sat up in his seat, and Alec knew he was somewhat disappointed in the fact that Alec was accepting his fate and making this so easy on him, but he also knew that Jace knew he still had plenty of fun ahead of himself with the coming conversation, so he couldn't have been too terribly disappointed at all.

What was it Alec had just been saying the previous night about wanting to be closer to Jace again?

"So remind me again, _where_ were you all night?" Jace asked innocently, and Alec wished he would really just cut to the chase. He always had to drag things out in the most unnecessary of ways.

"With Magnus," he replied, trying to keep his tone even as he came closer to the desk.

"And _what_ exactly were you two doing all night?"

"Not what you think we were," he grumbled, almost disappointed in that fact, and from the way Jace's eyebrow quirked, he knew Jace had read that tone as well.

( _Fuck_.)

"And what do I think you were doing all night? Alone? Just the two of you? At Magnus' place? _Alone?"_

"You know damn well what I think you thought we were doing," he insisted, resisting the urge to grit his teeth.

Jace's smirk returned and he nodded as he admitted, "I _do_. I just wanted to hear you say it."

Alec rolled his eyes.

"And _why_ exactly do you want to hear me say I think you thought me and Magnus were having sex all night?" he all but snapped.

He loved Jace, really and truly he did, but sometimes he was a right bastard and needed to be reminded of it, which was one of Alec's main roles in his life, he thought with a decent amount of pride that he didn't know he had in him right then.

"To see if it would bring you to your senses," Jace snapped back, the smirk gone from his face as quickly as it had slid onto it.

Something had shifted behind his eyes, in the air between them in that moment. Alec blinked, and almost took a step back from the desk; this had seemed like a game to Jace at first, all fun brotherly teasing, but now… Now Alec thought there was more to it, had been more to it all along.

"My senses?" Alec quoted, disbelief on his face. "And what makes you think I need to be brought back to _my senses_?"

"This whole… _thing_ you've got going on with Magnus—you don't think you're rushing it? You don't think you just want to get your mind off the Lydia thing and you're taking the first opportunity you can, the first person who will have you—"

"What the _hell_ is your problem, Jace?" Alec interrupted, balling his hands into fists, not wanting to hear any more of his bullshit.

Jace didn't know the first thing about what was going on between him and Magnus, so where did he get off trying to pretend that he did? Where did he get off trying to pretend that he knew better than Alec did about what their relationship was to him?

Jace might have known Alec better than Alec knew himself most days, but on this one issue Jace didn't even know the half of it.

At that, Jace finally stood up from the desk, walked around to face Alec with much the same gleam in his eyes.

"I don't _have_ a problem," he said, his voice even in that cool way that Alec only ever heard when he was getting ready to get into a fight with someone.

The difference this time, of course, was that instead of Alec being the one to either back him up or break up the fight, he was the one Jace _wanted_ to fight.

That revelation chilled Alec to the bone, but it made him straighten up all the more. If Jace wanted to hit him, Alec would be thrilled to hit him back; it would certainly help to let out years of pent up anger and frustration that came with knowing Jace for so damn long.

"You _do_. But is your problem with Magnus or is it with me, is the real question."

" _My_ problem is with you running away from _your_ problems."

"I'm not running away from _anything!_ "

"You ran away from Max dying, you ran away from Lydia, and you'll be running away from Magnus too, soon enough," he said coolly, and something about the way he said it made something in Alec absolutely snap in a way he wasn't quite used to.

He couldn't admit to himself that it was the fact that Jace was 100% right about him running away from Max dying, couldn't admit to himself that he didn't like to have his truth thrown in his face like that. And as he raised his hand and punched Jace in the jaw without _really_ thinking about what he was doing and what the consequences might be, he recognized, for a flickering moment, that hitting his brother to avoid that truth still counted as running away.

Jace staggered backwards and let out an awful sort of sound that someone who had just been punched by their brother might let out—it was more the emotional pain of being punched by _his brother_ than the physical pain of being punched itself that was likely to hurt Jace, Alec knew—before he straightened back up, and punched Alec in turn, not missing a single beat.

Which was very much so fair in every sense of the word that it could be, he knew, reeling from the pain, seeing stars as his head throbbed. God, he had forgotten about what a _punch_ Jace could pack, even when he wasn't really trying to hurt the other—and Alec knew that that had not been Jace's best by a _long shot._

Both he and Jace allowed themselves a moment to recover from the respective blows that had been thrown, breathing harsh on both ends, before they looked each other in the eye again. Alec couldn't help but notice now that the look in Jace's was much less harsh and angry than it had been mere moments before.

Maybe they needed to start resolving more issues by hitting each other.

"I don't…" Alec began finally, voice rough. "I won't run away from him, Jace. It's… it's _different_ with Magnus, I can be myself with him, he accepts every part of me. I… I think I'm falling in love with him, and that fucking _terrifies_ me, but… it doesn't make me want to run away from him, from it, it makes me want to be closer to him, makes me want to spend more time with him. It's different with him than it has ever been with anyone else, than it will ever be, if there's anyone after him. I swear, Jace, it's not like it was with Lydia," he insisted, tone soft and almost pleading now.

He hadn't really realized before how much it meant to him that Jace see and understand just how much Magnus meant to him; he didn't want Jace to think there would be some falling out, that he would run away from Magnus. Magnus wasn't going anywhere, and he _needed_ Jace to know that.

Jace simply stared at him for a long, quiet moment, during which Alec was made too aware of the throbbing in his face from where Jace had decked him. He would probably be feeling that for the rest of the week, and he could only hope it wouldn't leave _too_ nasty of a bruise; the last thing he wanted was to have to explain what had caused a black eye or a split lip to Magnus. The less the other knew about the conversation he and Jace were having, the better.

Eventually he could know, if he _needed_ to know, but… Not yet. Alec didn't want to scare him off by coming off too strong too soon.

"I just want you to be happy," Jace said finally, his voice itself broken, and his words not the ones that Alec had been anticipating in the slightest.

Alec swallowed down his confusion around the lump in his throat, and nodded.

" _Magnus_ makes me happy," he promised.

And he realized then that Jace needed to understand how much Magnus meant to him for his own sake as well as Alec's. And Alec didn't know what to make of that realization at all.

Jace nodded at the sincerity in his tone, and the next thing Alec knew he was embracing him in a tight hug, and he thought that maybe they were going to be okay after all.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	10. we have a room

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 10:_  
 _we have a room_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

Alec wanted to kiss Magnus—like, _actually_ kiss him right on the mouth. He wanted to kiss him a lot, actually, and on more than just his mouth, but, he would start with his lips, if he _had_ to pick a starting point. He'd almost done it before he left Magnus' house that night he had accidentally stayed over, but he had chickened out at the last moment, and that was as close to fine as it was going to get.

(It wasn't, actually, but, _well_ , baby steps.)

Ever since that morning, however, all he had done was think about kissing Magnus, dream about it, fantasize about it when things got particularly boring at work. At this point, he was worried he wouldn't be able to get through their next Tuesday morning together without backing him against a wall or desk or _something_ and kissing him senseless.

And he sincerely hoped that Magnus wouldn't have any complaints about that, when it happened.

 ***.*.*.*.***

"So how did it go with Jace last week?" Magnus asked playfully as soon as he walked in the room that morning, and Alec, self-aware as he did it, looked to his lips for a moment before he licked his bottom one in want. The look that flashed across Magnus' face then told Alec he had caught it, and was storing that action away for later use.

And _God_ did that send a thrill through Alec's very being.

"It…" he finally tore his eyes off the other's lips, searching for the right way to word it, to explain how the previous week had gone without getting into it too much.

There would be a time and place for explaining the entire conversation, but how did you tell someone you had told your brother you were falling in love with them when you hadn't even worked up the nerve to kiss them yet?

"... It was… I don't know, weird?" he tried finally, unsure that was quite the right word for it.

"Oh?" Magnus asked, flicking his eyes down to Alec's own lips in turn, making his heart skip a beat; he thought, for the first time now, that maybe Magnus wanted to kiss him just as much as he wanted to kiss Magnus. And that was a terrifying and exciting and wonderful kind of realization. "How so?"

"He asked me if I liked you," he said, thoughtful as he leaned against his desk, deciding that was as close to the truth as anything else he could come up would be. "Like… he seemed serious and concerned almost? Not like Jace," he shook his head.

Magnus nodded, somber as well; he must have known Jace as well as anyone could by now, given how much time they had spent together before Alec's return, and he must have known exactly what Alec meant by that.

(Well, hopefully not _exactly_ what he meant.)

"What did you tell him?" Magnus asked, mischievous once again as quickly as Alec should have expected him to be.

Alec felt a slow, creeping grin and blush take over his face before he replied, "That I _do_ , that I like you a lot, that I haven't felt this way about anyone before, that everything is just _different_ with you," he admitted, leaving out the bit where he told Jace he was falling in love, but he wondered now if Magnus could pick up on that omission anyway.

"Oh, Alexander," he sighed, sliding closer to Alec until he was firmly in front of him and between his legs, breath brushing Alec's face, featherlight and wonderful.

He rested his forehead against Alec's as Alec's arms came up to encircle his waist, holding him in the most natural and comforting way imaginable. This was easier than things had been with Lydia by a _long shot_ , he thought to himself with a content sigh, easier than he had ever thought it would be with anyone ever.

"It's the same for me," Magnus added finally, rubbing soothing circles into Alec's back. "With you, it's… different than it's ever been before, and I don't think there's anything else better out there—there couldn't be, not when you make everything so… _intense_. Just standing in the same room as you sometimes is too much, makes my heart feel like it's going to beat out of my chest, as cliché as that might sound."

Alec snorted, brushing his nose against Magnus' idly, comfortingly, allowing Magnus' words to wash down around him and envelop him in a warm blanket. They were just about the same ones Alec had just said, but hearing them from Magnus' mouth, knowing that Alec meant as much to him as he meant to Alec… It was as different as Magnus himself was, and it meant the entire world and then some to hear Magnus say them to him, made him feel better about where they stood, about what Alec meant to him, how he felt for Alec.

They were just words, but they were _important_ words.

"I'll forgive you for the cliché…" Alec trailed off slowly, a cheeky grin taking over his face.

"Why do I sense an _if_ coming?" Magnus said teasingly, pulling just far enough back to level Alec with a _look_ that made his grin grow wider.

"— _if—_ " he added playfully, raising an eyebrow, eyes flitting down to Magnus' lips before they rose back up to his eyes, a coy look on his face as they did, seeking what he wanted more than anything else in that moment.

Magnus grinned in response, nodded thoughtfully as he, Alec could only assume, caught on to _exactly_ what he was hinting at, just as he had been hoping and expecting he would.

Magnus Bane, after all, was nothing if not intuitive.

"Well, _anything_ for your forgiveness," Magnus murmured, leaning close to Alec and making his heart hammer in his chest.

Alec had thought about this so much, had been looking forward to it—because he had known, in his heart of hearts, that they _would_ kiss eventually, that it was only a matter of time—and now that it was _finally_ about to happen, now that Magnus was leaning close to him with eyes that were slowly sliding shut, lips quirking upwards in a way that said he was looking forward to this just as much as Alec had been, he couldn't seem to _stop_ thinking.

And he knew, if he couldn't get out of his own head, if he couldn't stop thinking about what ifs and self-doubts, then he wouldn't enjoy this, their first kiss, as much as he should have. And he and Magnus _both_ deserved for Alec to be present for their first kiss, god damnit.

He bumped his nose to Magnus' again, trying to ground himself, trying to have his senses knocked away from him so he could act without thinking, so he could be in the moment with the other in the way that he deserved for Alec to be. Usually, Magnus was good for wiping Alec's mind clean and leaving him a mess that could only seem to act in the now, so leave it to Fate to have the one time Alec would appreciate such a thing be the one time it wouldn't happen.

He was thinking, though, that maybe Magnus wouldn't _like_ kissing him, that maybe he would be too rough or too gentle, that maybe he wouldn't like the way Alec wanted to wind his hands in his hair, or the way he wanted to tug him flush against his body so he could feel _all_ of him. He was thinking that maybe he wouldn't be a fan of how _badly_ Alec wanted to mouth at his neck, wanted to breath in every ounce of him and then some.

He was thinking that maybe just because _he_ was falling in love didn't mean that Magnus was falling in love with _him_ , and that was an _awful_ sort of thought to have with Magnus' mouth so close to his own.

"Alec—"

A familiar voice cut through the room suddenly that made Alec and Magnus jump apart, bodies still close but mouths too far away to be _fair_ now that they had just been so close just a moment ago.

Magnus was pouting, Alec noticed with a small, reassuring thrill before he could look to the doorway to see who had interrupted, who had come into the room when _usually_ no one bothered them all god damn day. And that pout was the single most adorable thing Alec knew that existed, he thought, and he wanted to kiss it off Magnus' face, the feeling bubbling in his chest light as a feather.

Before the feeling could leave him, he took advantage of it, and leaned forward to did as much, taking Magnus very much so by surprise, though he sighed into the embrace once he realized just what was happening and returned the kiss with a gusto Alec had only ever dreamt about.

And just like that, there was no thinking, no trying to decide where to put his hands or what to do with his tongue or if Magnus would like more pressure or less or if the way he was pulling him in by his waist would put him off or on or _what._ His hands were moving up, trailing along the other's sides until one came to tangle in his hair, and Magnus pressed his body hard and flush against Alec's. He felt Magnus' hand move under his shirt, caressing his lower back and _slowly_ sliding—

"For fuck's sake, Lightwood—get a _room!"_

In the back of his bliss filled mind, Alec recognized that voice once again, would recognize it _anywhere_ , and he scowled, making a mental note to absolutely kick Simon's ass later on for interrupting what was, without a doubt, the absolute best moment in his entire lifetime.

Magnus was the one who pulled away first, unfortunately, and it was _Alec's_ turn to pout now. His hand slid from where it had been in Magnus' hair to the side of his neck as he turned around to face the door, to face the intruder who deserved nothing more and nothing less than death by torture, in Alec's humble opinion, for interrupting such a wonderful experience.

Simon would get what was coming to him, that much Alec vowed to himself.

"We _have_ a room," Magnus said, waving the hand that _wasn't_ gripping Alec's waist around in the air casually, without a care in the world. "It's called _The Cat Room._ Similar to that supply closet the rest of you like to frequent when you're getting frisky around here," he added, giving Simon a leveled, knowing sort of look that made Alec hum in appreciation for Magnus' skills.

He forgot sometimes that Magnus' actual Adult Job was being a lawyer, and that those skills, unlike Alec's, were easily transferable to the real world in very real ways most of the time.

And this just so happened to be one of those times.

( _Fuck, Magnus was sexy.)_

"Listen," Simon started, cheeks flushing as he threw his hands up in surrender. "I didn't come here for you lovebirds to poke around in my literal or metaphorical closet—" here he was interrupted by both Magnus and Alec with snorts of amusement and derision. "—I just need you to talk to Jace and tell him—"

Alec let out a low groan that stopped Simon's words right in their tracks yet again, and made Magnus turn back around to face him with an inquisitive, curious look on his face. As much as Magnus knew about the going ons of the shelter, as much as he liked to pride himself on being up to date with the recent gossip… there were some things that never made their way to the shelter walls, that stayed between texts and bar stools and bed sheets and that they tried not to let interfere with work stuff during work hours.

Some things, Magnus simply couldn't know because they kept it away from where he would have heard about them.

Of course, that was a fact that was quite quickly changing, but, well, for now there were stories and secrets that Magnus would have to find out second hand—just for now, not forever, Alec had to remind himself. Not forever, not if he had his way.

"You and Jace need to just—"

"—need to just talk it out and get over it like mature adults, blah blah blah. Right, okay, I know that," Simon interjected, crossing his arms and leaning back in the door way, "but here's the thing, yeah? One: I am not an adult. And two: Jace is not an adult. Therefore, neither of us have to deal with this like adults. Okay? Okay. Glad we got this squared away and we never have to talk about it ever again. Now, when you see Herondale, will you tell him I know what he did to my sandwich and it's, as the youths would say, on like Donkey Kong."

"No kid still says that," Alec rolled his eyes.

"But the _youths_ do," Simon insisted, clapping his hands together in finality. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go tell Izzy _all_ about what I just saw here; she'll be so thrilled," he said, grinning madly as he backed away from the door, leaving Alec to roll his eyes even as his cheeks flushed when Magnus turned back to face him, eyebrow raised curiously.

Alec opened and shut his mouth several times, trying to think about how to simplify the Jace/Simon feud in as few sentences as possible so as to get back to kissing Magnus quickly—they hadn't exactly been _done_ , after all. Not if Alec was getting _his_ way, anyway.

" _That_ seems like a long story," Magnus said, seeming to take pity on Alec and his inability to say anything as he tried to decide between what should take priority.

"That's… yeah," Alec nodded dumbly, settling back into the moment, on Magnus' touch and eyes and lips, and remembering how it had felt to kiss him, what it would be like to kiss him again, and _again_ , and **_again_** , and **_again_**.

 _(And again.)_

"Seems like something you should tell me about…" he trailed off, fingers clasping Alec's forearms, chin lifting up until his mouth was _just_ in front of Alec's, making his breathing still. "... perhaps over dinner tonight?" he asked, eyes half lidded as he moved to kiss Alec, though he stilled just before their lips could _actually_ touch, the tease.

"Anywhere you want," Alec replied in agreement, closing the rest of the distance to kiss him and stifling the huff of amusement that started to escape Magnus' lips at Alec's response.

 ***.*.*.*.***

They did _not_ talk about the whole Jace/Simon situation at dinner that night. They went to some fancy Italian place that Magnus raved about all the rest of the morning, and they both dressed up for the occasion, and Alec thought Magnus looked _far_ too good in his suit jacket for it to be fair—but then, Magnus voiced thinking the same thing about Alec and _his_ suit, so he decided it all balanced out, somehow, someway.

Alec had only known what a fraction of the things on the menu were, so he let Magnus order for him, reveling in the way he commanded the room, the attention of the waitress _and_ of himself. And when he asked the waitress for their finest bottle of red wine with a wink, Alec's jaw _dropped_ and he needed to shift in his seat to find new comfort as the waitress walked away, seeming a bit faint and star struck herself.

"You're going to owe that waitress one hell of a tip," Alec quipped when he got his senses back about him.

Magnus gave Alec a catty sort of look then, grin spreading across his face slowly, eyes almost narrowed and looking mysterious in the way they were surrounded by shadows cast upon them by the dim lighting and the candles that were lit on the table. Alec shivered under his gaze, both wondering when things had gotten so intense with them and _not_ at the same time. Eventually, he thought, he would get used to Magnus and all these feelings he had when he was around him; though he did hope, at the same time, that he would _never_ get used to it, that things would never stop being new and free and fun with him, no matter how long they were together.

"Are you talking about the waitress, Alexander, or yourself?" Magnus finally asked, leaning across the table proudly, gleefully almost as he laid a hand over Alec's.

Alec sputtered at that, felt his face heat up, and knew that had been _exactly_ the reaction Magnus had been looking for.

And Alec couldn't even find it in him to be _mad_ about it, he was so thrilled by it.

 ***.*.*.*.***

 _I'm so happy for you, big brother!_ Izzy texted later that night when Alec was sitting on Magnus' couch, gleefully tipsy and kissing Magnus contently, enthusiastically.

He didn't read the text until the next morning when he woke up on said couch once again, though, Magnus standing above him with coffee— _eventually_ they would stop waking up in separate beds, and Alec simply could not wait for that day—and asking what he was smiling about.

"What _don't_ I have to smile about?" he quipped, standing up to press a kiss to Magnus' lips as he took the cup of coffee from him.

Magnus let out a content, thoughtful hum at that, but said nothing else, much too caught up in giving Alec a proper good morning kiss in turn to bother.

And Alec would have it no other way.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	11. that's what you get

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 11:_  
 _that's what you get_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

Alec _did_ get days off every now and then, thank you very much. It certainly didn't _feel_ like it sometimes, and if you asked anyone he worked with they would say it didn't seem like it either, but, well, they _did_ happen. He had to work his ass off and sometimes fight tooth and nail to get them, but he could make them happen if he _really_ wanted to.

And God, did he _really_ want to—now that he had someone to spend his days off _with,_ anyway. His only real friends had been the people he had worked with at the shelter, and getting the same day off as one of them never happened, which had a decent amount to do with him not being too concerned about getting days off most of the time; his life _was_ that shelter, he didn't really have many hobbies or interests, didn't have a lot of errands to run that he couldn't do before or after work. He hadn't had reason to _need_ days off before.

Until he met Magnus, anyway. And Magnus changed _everything_.

They didn't have coordinating schedules most days, but Alec would be _damned_ if he didn't get to spend a day off with him every now and then.

He was still available if an emergency came up, he told everyone the day before, they could text him or call him if they absolutely needed to, but, he had stressed, looking to Simon and Jace in particular, it _had_ to be an emergency, anything less would earn them a swift and painful death.

Simon had had the look about him like he wanted to ask how it would be both swift _and_ painful at the same time, but Izzy had kicked him before he could get the words out, and Alec shot her a thankful smile for it.

He'd had to work more hours than he could remember working to date to insure he got the same day off as Magnus that week, but, well, it was worth it, he knew as he fell against Magnus' couch with him, connected at the lips from the second he'd walked through the other's door. Magnus was hovering above him, pressing his body against Alec's in the most glorious of ways, setting his every nerve ending on _fire._

This, Alec thought to himself, sinking down onto Magnus' soft couch cushions, hands wandering aimlessly over Magnus' body, _this_ was most definitely worth it; indeed, this was what days off were meant for, and, he told himself as Magnus' teeth scraped against his neck, he was most definitely going to have to take more of them now that there was incentive to do as much.

They were supposed to get food, they were supposed to go shopping and watch some movie and do other couple-y things that Alec wanted more than anything to do with Magnus, but, well, Magnus had made the mistake of inviting Alec in before they could actually _do_ any of those things, and now Alec feared they would never leave Magnus' house to _actually_ do any of those things.

Though if Magnus hitched his hips like that just _one_ more time Alec knew he would have absolutely no complaints whatsoever about spending the whole day holed up there.

" _Magnus_ …" Alec groaned, guiding the other's mouth back to his own so he could so desperately kiss him like he'd been dying to do ever since the other's lips had left his own.

And it really was _fire_ —truly, everywhere Magnus touched and bit and kissed burned in the most overwhelming and wonderful of ways, consuming him and clouding his head; it was lucky his eyes were already closed, because he wasn't sure he would last long at all if he was looking at Magnus all the while.

He felt like he was 14, no self-control, no stamina or endurance at all, already falling apart at the seams even though there were still multiple layers of clothing between them. And maybe they wouldn't even get to _that_ today, maybe they would just lay on Magnus' couch and kiss and press and touch…

Somehow, Alec would be fine with that too, he thought, would probably be _more_ than fine.

Alec's hand was just sliding under Magnus' shirt, and Magnus was _just_ letting out a moan of pleasure at the contact when Alec became aware of a faint sort of _sound._ He wasn't quite sure what this sound was at first, as all he was really hearing was _Magnus_ , was the sound of his blood and heart thumping in his ears, of the way their hitches of breath sounded, in synch with each other and yet causing a complete sort of chaos that was still music to Alec's ears.

He wasn't sure he was too concerned with whatever that other sound was, when he really thought about it—well, when he thought about it as much as he _could_ , anyway, given the other things he currently had his mind—and body—on.

" _Alexander_ ," Magnus said in a breathy whisper that sent a shiver down his spine.

He surged up to catch Magnus' lips once again, unthinking as he did; all he knew was that he _wanted_ Magus, wanted him more than he wanted anything else. Magnus indulged him, kissing him back fiercely in just the way that he wanted him to without another word.

It was short lived, however, as Magnus pulled back once again not a moment later, this time putting more distance between them. Alec frowned at that, wanting the proximity back more than anything, but after that desire ebbed just so, he felt a surge of panic and concern that he was sure showed on his face, if the way Magnus' blissful, kissed one softened and he leaned back down to press a chaste kiss to Alec's lips was anything to go by. His hand came to frame the side of Alec's face, tender and gentle in a way that contrasted the passion and fire they had just been taking part of not a moment previous, and he was convinced all was mostly well.

"Your phone," he said in response to the question that was resting on the tip of Alec's tongue, though that only seemed to add to Alec's confusion for a moment; what did Magnus want with Alec's phone at a time like _this_ …

Just as he got through wondering that, it clicked in his head: that sound he had heard, that he couldn't place, that had been trying to nag its way through his cloud of pleasure and lust and _Magnus,_ had been his phone.

His phone.

Ringing.

( _Of fucking course it was.)_

It was _still_ ringing, actually. Still trying to get his attention. Still going off. And he was still just lying there, totally and completely transfixed by Magnus, by the way it felt to have him staring down at Alec like _that_.

Magnus smiled down at Alec when he noticed the way he _wasn't_ moving to get it, wasn't even looking in its direction. Whatever it was that the person on the other side of that phone wanted, surely it couldn't be more important than _this_ , than Magnus, and going back to kissing him already?

Magnus shook his head, leaned over to grab Alec's phone himself then, having more sense about him, somehow, than Alec did. And if he _had_ had any sense about him, he would have thought that it was completely unfair that Magnus had more of it than he did.

"Alec's phone, Magnus speaking," he said when he answered it, sitting up completely to do as much, straddling Alec now.

Alec's hands moved to Magnus' hips then, moving him back and forth aimlessly, grinding up against him as the other listened intently to what was going on on the other side of the phone. And suddenly Alec was glad for the distraction that the phone provided Magnus with, as it gave Alec the opportunity to clear his head ever so slightly. Though the way he had his hardened crotch pressing against Magnus' allowed for _very_ little of it, it was still more than it had been before, was still more than enough to make him think that maybe he should have just answered the phone when Magnus had drawn his attention to it; they wouldn't be bothering him if it wasn't important, after all, whoever it was most definitely knew better.

Magnus' face, Alec noticed then, was drawn up in concern and something almost like heartbreak, and he ceased in his ministrations immediately, sat up ever so slightly himself so Magnus had to shift off him and onto the couch instead. He _definitely_ should have answered that phone himself, he knew then.

"One moment," Magnus muttered into the phone, looking to Alec.

"What is it? What's wrong?" Alec asked, voice just shy of panic.

Magnus shook his head, held the phone out for Alec to simply take himself; that, Alec knew as he took it from Magnus, letting the other catch his fingers for a moment to press a comforting squeeze to them, was what he got for trying to take a day off to simply enjoy himself.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	12. Cupcake

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 12:_  
 _Cupcake_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

" _So you're basically grounded, hm?"_ Magnus asked, voice teasing through the phone that Alec was holding between his ear and shoulder.

"Something like that," Alec replied, looking fondly upon what was responsible for his house arrest: three of the tiniest, most adorable kittens Alec had ever seen in his life.

Izzy had called him that day he had been with Magnus with desperation in her voice. Someone had come by with a cardboard box and told her they'd found it on the side of the road with the dead body of what could only be their mother, trying desperately to suckle at her for warmth and food, though they had gotten neither from her in some time, the vet Izzy had called in to see them had said; it was a miracle they were even alive, truly.

(In addition to the mother cat being dead, there was a kitten that had been dead as well, and yet another that had died before the vet could get to it, a tragedy that would weigh on Izzy for some time, as they always seemed to.)

Needless to say, Alec had needed to leave for the shelter immediately, to speak with the vet, to see the kittens, be sure they were all alright. And of course, since he and Magnus had wanted to spend the entire day together, Magnus had gone with him; nothing ruined the mood, he had quipped, like literal dead kittens.

Alec had been thankful for Magnus' calming presence, had been grateful to have someone there to hold his hand and run his other one through his hair when he could tell Alec was too stressed and upset to do anyone any good at all. Though he really didn't get to spend as much time with Magnus as he had wanted to, it was still nice to just… _know_ he was there. It was just nice to have his support.

It had been a long day after that, and had concluded with Alec needing to take up the responsibility of caring for the three surviving kittens. They were malnourished and Luke, the vet, wasn't sure they would survive, but Alec had to try; he had done this enough by now, he knew he was skilled enough, knowledgeable enough to give them a fighting chance. And so he did.

It had taken the rest of that night to sort out the details, but eventually everything _was_ sorted out.

Alec was on kitten duty until further notice, and Jace and Izzy would take care of the shelter without him. Meaning he was, for all intents and purposes, as Magnus had put it, grounded. Though there were worse things to be stuck at home with, he supposed.

" _Can I come over and see them?"_ Magnus asked, and Alec could hear in his voice that he both wanted to see how the surviving ones were doing _and_ just spend more time with Alec; he had spent the past three days at home with the kittens, only leaving to get some shopping done when he could talk his mother or someone else into watching the kittens while he was out and about, and he was never gone for long, so as to get back in time for their next feeding.

Whoever had been watching the kittens while he was gone would usually take off the moment he returned, having a life of their own that needed seeing to, and it was, well, getting rather lonely having limited human interaction. If he could choose anyone to come over to keep him company, it would be Magnus, of course. If he would even let Magnus _leave_ afterwards it would be a miracle, he thought to himself.

"Of course. Just as long as you promise not to completely ignore _me_ while you're here," Alec teased, pressing the nipple of the bottle he held in one hand to the mouth of the kitten that was leaning against his leg, head tilted up towards him and eyes slanted shut as she began to suckle at it, tiny paws kneading at his jean clad legs softly.

 _That_ sight would never fail to absolutely melt his heart, he knew, and he couldn't wait to share it with Magnus.

" _I don't know, those kittens **are** pretty adorable_…"

"And I'm not?" Alec asked, pretending to be affronted.

" _It **has** been a few days since I last saw your handsome face, I think I'm starting to forget just how adorable you truly are, darling."_

"Well, I guess you had _better_ get over here then, hm? Can't have you thinking I'm _not_ adorable."

Magnus simply laughed on the other end, and it was music to Alec's ears; suddenly, his heart ached in a completely different way than it did when he looked at the kittens.

He and Magnus had talked and texted in the days since he had been on house arrest, but with Magnus' busy work schedule and Alec's kitten sitting schedule… they hadn't had the chance to see each other in person since the day the kittens had been found. And it sucked, of course, but Alec hadn't been aware of how much he truly missed Magnus until that moment.

He missed his musical laugh, his infectious smile, his magical kisses, the way he wore his hair so perfectly spiked up and the way he playfully _tsk'ed_ when Alec ran his hand through it when they kissed, mussing it up in the sexiest of ways, in Alec's oh so very humble opinion.

He missed the way Magnus' body slotted against his when they hugged, the way he radiated warmth that Alec simply could not get enough of, the way he smelled like heaven and home at the same time.

And God, he missed _kissing_ Magnus more than anything, missed the way Magnus tugged him closer _closer_ **_closer_** , like he couldn't get enough of Alec either, like he needed him to survive in much the same way Alec needed _him_.

He missed Magnus, missed him more than he had any sort of right to, more than he had ever thought he would miss anyone in his life.

" _Alexander?"_ Magnus asked softly, having obviously have taken note of Alec's silence.

"Sorry," Alec said just as softly, throat tight all of a sudden. "I just… can't wait for you to get here," he finished, unsure how else to express it, what else there was to say.

There was a pause on Magnus' end before he said, " _Neither can I_."

 ***.*.*.*.***

Magnus took no time at all to get there—Alec fed all the kittens, burped them, and helped them relieve themselves and had them settled down for a nap when Magnus shot him the text that he was outside but didn't want to ring the bell just in case it might disturb the kittens.

Alec grinned widely, madly, as he carefully let himself out of his room and made his way to the front door to greet Magnus, who grinned shyly, though just as widely, when Alec finally threw the door open and saw him standing there. Looking like _that,_ like Alec hadn't seen him in a lifetime. But God, he was still the most beautiful sight Alec had ever laid his eyes on, their time apart had only further cemented that fact in his mind, his heart.

"Aren't you a sight for sore eyes?" Magnus purred, eliminating the space between them to grip Alec's hips, rest his forehead against Alec's with no preamble.

Not that it was needed _at all._

Alec shook his head, the rest of the world falling away at Magnus' touch; for the first time in so many days, Alec felt grounded again, felt aware of everything that he was feeling, everything he was going through, that had happened. Fatigue weighed his bones down, and he felt every bit of energy drain out of him as everything sank in for the first time, really. But he also felt energized, a light buzzing touching every single one of his nerve endings from his toes to his hair. He felt light, like nothing else mattered or existed, just him, and just Magnus, and just this stupid, silly, mundane moment.

Alec changed the angle of his head so his lips came down to press to Magnus' instead, and it was like coming home, he thought, warm and fuzzy and right. It was nothing like the passionate embrace Alec had thought it would be; he had thought it would be frenzied hands and desperate presses of lips that spelled out _I missed you_ and _I need you_ and _I want you_ , but instead it was slow and lazy and took its time, his own hands moving and trailing carefully and without a real purpose at all.

It was easy, and it was right, and it was so startling a realization that Alec almost couldn't believe it wasn't a dream; he couldn't believe he was actually allowed to feel this way about a person, about Magnus Bane, of all people.

When he and Magnus finally pulled apart some moments later, they both let out sighs at the same time, and he wondered if maybe Magnus wasn't thinking the exact same thing about him.

 ***.*.*.*.***

"You're just a real prince Charming, aren't you?" Magnus murmured in amazement, eyes on Alec as he soothed one of the kittens back to sleep after she had stirred awake and strayed from the pile with the other two, looking for food or a more comfortable sort of sleep than what her siblings' backs could provide.

Her new bed of choice was Alec's lap, which was just fine with him; all the easier to be able to pet her, really.

Alec ducked his head at Magnus' comment, however, eyes on the kitten as he grinned to himself; if only Magnus knew that _he_ was the real Prince in the story, and that Alec was just lucky to be in his presence most days.

"I don't think what I do qualifies me as a prince, exactly, but, uhm, thanks," he replied sheepishly, petting the kitten in his lap gently, aimlessly.

Magnus reached a hand silently for Alec's free hand and gave it a squeeze; Alec looked back up at him, pressed forward to give him a quick, appreciative peck, and squeezed his hand back.

"So what's her name?" Magnus asked then, and it took Alec a moment of staring at him quizzically before he realized that the other was referring to the kitten.

"She doesn't have one yet," he replied.

Magnus frowned at that, and Alec thought that the little crease he got on his forehead when he did that was sort of adorable, was the only real perk of him frowning at all.

"Why not?"

"If you name them you get attached, and it's… better not to do that until you know, you know? That they're actually going to survive," he replied with a small, sad shrug.

"You're bottle feeding them every how many hours? Waking up to make sure they're fed and burped and cleaned and warm, putting your whole life on pause just to raise them, to make sure they survive, and you don't want to get _attached_?" Magnus asked, voice firm but gentle in that way of his that was oh so very hard to argue with, especially when Alec was trying hard _not_ to wake up the kittens in question. "Darling, I really do hate to be the bearer of bad news, but I think you're too far into this to _not_ be attached, and I think you know that too."

Alec let out a sigh of defeat; arguing was quite literally Magnus' job, and Alec could already see that he was going to have to pick his battles very carefully when it came to fighting with him. It would absolutely drain him, he could already tell, and they hadn't even had their first fight yet. God help him when they did.

"Sometimes you're a little too smart for your own good, you know that?"

"Well, we can't _all_ just be pretty faces, some of us prefer to get by on our brains too."

"Oh, very funny," Alec snorted, rolling his eyes.

"Seriously, though," Magnus nudged Alec's foot, scooting closer to him on Alec's bed where they were sitting, side by side, impossibly close together. "Do you have any names picked out, or do we need to name them together?"

Alec let out an amused huff, "I suppose reiterating that naming them is bad luck won't change your mind at all?"

"Not in the slightest," Magnus hummed in agreement.

"Guess we better start brainstorming, then."

 ***.*.*.*.***

Coco, Cupcake, and Christopher were what Alec and Magnus decided on naming the kittens.

It took hours of googling, and giggling, and playfully arguing back and forth, and deciding that _yes,_ they all had to have names that started with the same letter of the alphabet but no not _that_ letter, before they actually settled on the names.

Magnus got to help Alec take care of the kittens for those hours that they sat on his bed with them, got to learn how to bottle feed them, got to watch Alec feed and coo over them and in turn Alec got to watch Magnus feed and coo over them.

And Alec thought, when they finally decided on their names and little Cupcake crawled to Alec and tried to climb back onto his lap herself before Alec had to help her up himself finally, that maybe naming them wasn't such an awful idea after all.

When she died two days later due to a genetic defect that they didn't know about until after she passed on Alec's lap, he rethought that just a little.

It wouldn't have hurt so much, wouldn't have made him break down sobbing onto Magnus' chest when he came over after hearing the news, if he hadn't been so attached, if he had listened to everything that he had known from the beginning and had kept whatever emotional distance that he could. By naming her, he had convinced himself that she would survive, that she would be okay, that a million things couldn't still go wrong despite his best efforts.

He had done everything in his power to take care of her, to give her a fair chance at life, and it still hadn't been enough— _he_ hadn't been enough.

He never seemed to be.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	13. trying

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 13:_  
 _trying_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

Alec was absolutely not in the mood to hear about whatever stupid thing Simon had done now, he thought to himself when he saw Jace's cell number light up his phone screen. He was still _grieving,_ God damnit, and Jace knew that—everyone at the shelter knew that and many had sent their warm wishes and regards already. For Jace to think it was an appropriate time to call to bitch about Simon was…

Completely in character for his brother, actually, when Alec thought about it. It was normal, and Alec absolutely craved something close to normal right then.

"Hey, Jace," he said when he picked up the phone, hoping his tone didn't betray how heartbroken he still was.

" _Alec, man—hey, how are you?"_

Alec pursed his lips; that was not exactly the kind of normal that he was anticipating, and he couldn't decide if he was happy about that or not.

"About as well as you'd think," he replied briskly, feeling Jace wince on the other end.

" _I'm sorry… about the kitten, I mean. I know how hard you'd been working to make sure she survived, and the fact that you couldn't have even done anything to prevent it… it's just fucked up, man, it always is when something like this happens."_

Alec let out a sigh, of all the people he'd expected to have to have this conversation with, Jace hadn't even cracked the list. Not that he didn't think his brother loved and cared about him, but… it just wasn't _Jace,_ it wasn't their dynamic most of the time.

But maybe it was _now,_ maybe this was Jace trying to regain some of the distance between them, trying to help Alec fix everything that had gone wrong with them. Maybe this was Jace trying, and Alec being the stubborn, unrelenting idiot instead of the other way around for a change.

Wasn't that something?

"Yeah," Alec said finally, nodding to himself. "it… fucking sucks, man."

 _"I'm sorry,"_ Jace said again, as if he didn't know what else to say, or how else to say what he had already said, that it fucking sucked.

If they were having this conversation in person, Jace would have hugged him when he ran out of ways to say it sucked, would have clapped him on the shoulder, and they would have been fine.

How did you clap someone on the shoulder over the phone, though? Certainly Jace hadn't figured as much out yet.

"Yeah, me, too," Alec said.

There was a pause then, not uncomfortable as much as it was… thoughtful. Uncertain, perhaps, if you squinted at it enough.

Finally, though, Jace cleared his throat, and said, " _How are you and Magnus doing?"_

Alec blinked to himself, _now_ he was more than just surprised. Jace had never asked after Alec's love life before, had never asked how Lydia was doing or how things had been between them—though that probably had more to do with Jace already knowing and disapproving of that whole debacle, when Alec thought about it.

"We're… I don't know, I think we're okay. But I'm stuck at home, and he's always working, and we're both so stressed and busy, so it's just hard right now. I talk to him every day but it's not the same as getting to see him in person, you know?"

Jace let out a thoughtful sort of hum, actually seemed to be mulling it over, taking Alec's relationship woes seriously—he would stop being surprised over something like this in the same moment that he stopped being amazed by Magnus' very existence, really.

" _Yeah, that's gotta be tough. You'll be fine though, the two of you? Kittens grow up eventually,"_ Jace said finally.

And how Alec wished all their issues could be solved merely by a couple of kittens growing up; the world would be a better place were every problem solved so easily.

"Yeah, I know, Jace—thanks. For calling and everything."

" _Yeah, of course, man. What are brothers for?"_

 ** _*.*.*.*.*_**


	14. what are sisters for

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 14:_  
 _what are sisters for?_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

Alec didn't necessarily _want_ to distance himself from Magnus following the death of Cupcake, but, well, he was _busy_ , he told both himself and Magnus, as he had told Jace. The kittens were teething and litter box training; it was a lot for him to deal with on his own on top of being stressed about how things were going at the shelter without him—he received text after text concerning Jace and Simon, more than anything, and he was at his wit's end with those two, thank you very much; as soon as he could, he was sitting those two down for A Talk—and when he would be able to go back to work.

Magnus was nothing if not understanding, of course, if not cautious about the whole situation; there was something about the way he said _I miss you_ when they talked on the phone that made Alec's throat tighten when he said, _I miss you too,_ in a way that he didn't think it was meant to. He _did_ miss Magnus, but it felt like something not attune to _just_ missing him, though he didn't have a word for just exactly what the feeling was.

Not until Magnus showed up at his doorstep after work one day, shooting Alec a text about it just as he finished with the kittens' dinner. As they climbed into their litter box, he thought that he had just enough time to go let Magnus in before they were finished and would get themselves into trouble. There was little in his room that they could actually get into, so if they climbed out of their litter box while he was gone the worst that would happen was them getting into a little scuffle on the floor, and given that they each only had a couple teeth a piece, he doubted that would harm either of them much. Rather, it would be good for them to play with each other for a bit; when Alec was around, all they wanted was _his_ attention, never mind each other.

"You've been avoiding me," Magnus said when Alec opened the door, a far cry from the last time they reunited after being apart for so long.

Alec crossed his arms, not feeling the tug he had felt last time, the attraction and pull that had him in Magnus' embrace within seconds of seeing him, oddly enough.

He just wanted to kiss him, but he didn't, at the same time, which didn't make _any_ sort of sense at all to him—all he had ever wanted to do since the first time he'd met Magnus was kiss him _kiss him_ **_kiss him_** —but, well, there he was.

There _they_ were.

Not kissing.

However the hell _that_ had happened.

"No more than I've been avoiding everyone else," Alec replied, leaning against the doorway and admiring, despite himself, the suit Magnus was wearing; he must have literally just come from work, Alec thought, must have come straight over, just to see Alec, just to be there as soon as he could.

"Is this about Cupcake?" Magnus asked with a sigh, and suddenly those worry lines when he frowned weren't so adorable, somehow.

Alec pursed his lips, thoughtful. He certainly wasn't _happy_ about Cupcake's passing, but to say it was responsible for his sour mood with Magnus was, well, something he hadn't quite considered until Magnus put the idea in his head.

And yet it made so much damn sense, now that it was there, now that it was a thought that existed. Because _God,_ of course that was what this was about, of course that was why he was upset with him. _Of course._

"I told you I didn't want to name them, that I didn't want to get attached," he whispered, closing his eyes for a moment, letting that grief wash over him again, as if her passing had just happened the day before instead of the week before.

And it wasn't _fair_ to blame Magnus for this, some part of him knew, wasn't fair to pin this all on him, but judgment was often clouded by silly little things like grief and heartache, he knew all too well.

"You were _already_ attached," Magnus soothed, tried to reason, making Alec's blood boil suddenly _against_ reason, against all logic.

And it wouldn't have been so bad if he hadn't _known_ it was misplaced anger, but fuck, that just made it all that much worse, to know while he was feeling it that it wasn't fair.

He clenched his hands, digging into his own forearms in a painful way that was meant to soothe the shaking of his hands, but instead only made it worse.

"You don't know how I felt—how I feel," Alec said through clenched teeth.

"Grief doesn't just happen to you, Alexander. I helped name them too; I know I didn't put as much work into them as you did, I know I didn't bond with them in the same way you did, but _you_ loved her, you two had a special bond, and for that my own heart broke. Do you have any idea," he shook his head, took in a sharp breath. "What it did to me when she died? Watching you in so much pain _killed_ me, Alexander. And knowing I pushed you to name her, to strengthen that bond with her… I couldn't sleep for _days_ ," he breathed, sounding completely and utterly heartbroken.

Alec swallowed, hands loosening their grip on himself as they itched to reach out for Magnus instead, to hold him, to comfort him, to just _be_ with him. Magnus was right, grief didn't just happen to you, it happened to everyone around you too. He had seen just as much when Jace had called him to comfort him about it.

"I'm sorry she died, and that it hurt you so much, but I'm not sorry that we named her; she deserved a name," Magnus added, firm and stubborn and full of conviction.

And in the second before he crossed the doorway to kiss Magnus, his grief and short-lived anger completely forgotten, Alec thought that he might love him.

 ***.*.*.*.***

"How do you know when you're in love?" Alec asked his sister when she came over that night, perched on the counter in their parent's kitchen and filing away at her nails while Alec stirred a pot of stew on the stove, thoughtful and distracted at once.

Their parents had owned the same three-story house their entire lives, they had grown up there, had made memories and buried secrets and lies in the backyard and in their closets and the finished basement. All of the Lightwood siblings had moved in and out of it a million times over in their lives, thinking themselves grown adults who could take care of themselves one day and understanding that they weren't Real Adults who could fend for themselves the next.

Currently, however, Alec was the only one living in the house, aside from their mother.

Since their father's recent affair, and the divorce that come from it, and the death that had started it all, Maryse Lightwood had barely spent any time at all in the house, choosing to take business trips out of town and stay in hotels instead of coming home to a house that held memories like painful ghosts. It was both a blessing and a curse to live in the same place your entire life, Alec knew as well as she did; eventually, she would be able to spend more than two days there at a time before she needed to get out again, it would just take her some time.

Until then, Alec was more than okay with holding the fort down, both at the shelter and at the house.

(Alec _did_ suspect that she was more likely to come back to the house and settle her life back in there than she was to come back to take over the shelter; something told him in his gut that neither her nor his father would ever have anything to do with that place ever again. They both had other business ventures anyway, the shelter had just been fun and games and a way to keep the family preoccupied and, well, a family. They certainly weren't as attached to it as the children had always been, so he was certain that it was _theirs_ now, in most senses of the word.)

Izzy had spent a billion hours sitting on that counter, legs crossed at the ankles in front of her, and Alec had spent just as many there, either sitting next to her or standing there cooking. It was nice that the comforting things didn't change any more or less than the shitty things did.

She looked up from her nails at his question, eyes shining in that mischievous way of hers that had followed him their entire lives; she was still the bratty little girl he had had snowball and water balloon fights with, who had climbed trees and gotten lost in the woods with him because girls could _so_ do that too. Behind her mascara and bright red lipstick, she was still only just Little Izzy, his baby sister, his entire world.

(God, _why_ was he being so nostalgic and sentimental all of a sudden _anyway?_ )

"You've been in love before," she said finally, simply.

Alec frowned at her.

"No, I've been in _Not_ Love before, there's a difference," he replied, taking the spoon out of the pot and bringing it to her mouth for a taste.

She chewed thoughtfully, nodding all the while before she finally replied.

"The fact that you _know_ there's a difference means you already know the answer to your question. So the real question here is why aren't you ready to admit to yourself that you're in love with Magnus?"

Alec's mouth fell open and shut a few times as he went back to stirring his stew, more something to do with his hands than anything at this point; thank _God_ Magnus was safely tucked away in his bedroom with the kittens at that moment and there was no risk of him overhearing. The very last thing Alec needed was for him to overhear, for this evening to take a turn that Alec was not prepared for it to take.

Because he would absolutely _kill_ his sister if Magnus found out because of her mouth.

"I _never_ said—"

"Who else would you be talking about?" Izzy interrupted, eyebrow raised in challenge at him. "Look, everyone already knows how much you care about Magnus, and how much he cares about you. You don't have to call it love if you don't want to, but… clearly it's on your mind, clearly _that word_ in particular has crossed your mind. If you think you might be in love with someone, you _probably_ are. But you already know that, so, unless there's an actual reason you don't want to tell him, I say you Lightwood up and tell him that you love him already. Life is too short to keep your feelings bottled up, big brother, especially the important ones."

And Alec did so appreciate his sister, her honesty, her advice, her concern—of course he did, more than anything. But…

"What if he doesn't feel the same? What if he tells himself he loves me, but he _doesn't_ , he just doesn't think he can do any better and he just… he settles for me? And he wakes up one day and realizes he hates me, and he hates everything we've done and everything we've built together? What if I tell him that I love him, and it ruins everything?" he asked, exasperated.

The more he spoke, the more his thoughts spiraled outward and he considered all the possibilities of what might happen if he _actually_ told Magnus that he loved him, the more his chest hurt, the more his throat tightened.

( _Oh God.)_

"You're worried things with Magnus will turn out the way things with Lydia did," Izzy said, her voice soft and full of understanding suddenly. "But Magnus isn't Lydia, and you are not the same Alec you were when you were with her. Trust me, Alec, what you and Magnus have is _real_ ; he's not going to wake up hating you one day any more than you're going to wake up hating him. Now, are you going to tell him, or am I?" she asked, and, though Alec knew she was only kidding, he still laughed, shaking his head as he removed the stew from the heat, deciding it was definitely done and definitely ready to eat now.

"I'll tell him," he told her, still smiling, "just… not tonight; we just made up and… I don't want to _ruin_ things again."

"You're not going to _ruin_ anything, I promise," she assured him gently. "But… I respect your wishes to wait— _for now_. I won't say anything in front of him, scouts honor," she said, holding her middle three fingers up at him solemnly.

(She always _had_ loved being a girl scout.)

Alec gave her a thankful look for granting him a wish he hadn't asked for in so many words. He just wanted to have a nice, normal dinner with his boyfriend and sister, no pressure, no stress, no drama, just some good food and good people. It was hardly asking anything at all, but sometimes it felt like asking for the world.

"Thanks, Iz. Wanna go tell him dinner is ready for me?" he asked, leaning to press a kiss to the top of her head before she hopped off the counter with a nod of her head, and he was filled with a warmth for both her and Magnus as she walked towards his bedroom to get him.

He was just very much so thankful to have both of them in his life sometimes.

 ***.*.*.*.***


	15. death of me

_Water Under The Bridge_

 _Chapter 15:_  
 _death of me_

* * *

 ***.*.*.*.***

Alec didn't know how Magnus felt about leftovers, but, as soon as he mentioned to Izzy that Magnus was stuck at his office late that night and he _hoped_ he would take long enough of a break to get something to eat, she insisted that he take Magnus some of the leftover stew from the previous night. It was better than him starving, she had told him as she reheated the stew for him, not giving him the chance to make up his own mind on the matter.

"Besides, he _loved_ the stew, remember?" she asked, giving him a wide grin as she went about the kitchen searching for Tupperware, and he immediately flashed back to the previous night, to the dinner the three of them had shared in that very kitchen.

He smiled to himself, remembering how _cozy_ the whole evening had felt, how familiar it was to sit at that table with Magnus and Izzy and just… be. They had talked about work, and bullshit, and had traded anecdotes, eating and sipping on this and that the whole while, the kitchen filling itself with laughter and warmth that Alec had never noticed was missing from it before.

It had just been really nice to sit at the table he had grown up at and have the most amazing man ever there to join them, to brush his hand against Alec's every now and then, to compliment his cooking, to poke fun at him and his sister, to get lost in Izzy's stories and laugh at her God awful jokes that were still funny despite themselves, somehow, someway.

He had been _sad_ when Magnus had had to leave, when he pressed a long goodbye kiss to Alec's lips out on the porch when Alec walked him out, leaving Izzy to start cleaning up so they could have some privacy. She had winked at Alec as they walked out, and he rolled his eyes, because she was _still_ his bratty little sister even though she had grown into such an incredible woman whom he loved very dearly.

"We'll have to do this again sometime," Alec had murmured to Magnus' lips, to which Magnus had hummed in agreement, seeming to not want to break the contact before he absolutely had to.

"Maybe the cock block can join us next time," he had teased finally, nibbling at Alec's bottom lip.

And Alec had _laughed,_ and _God,_ he had _almost_ said the words, had almost let it slip out of his mouth—that he loved Magnus, that he was incredible, that Alec was so far gone for him that it wasn't even fair in any sense of the word at all.

He had _almost_ said it, but then Magnus was kissing him again, so sweetly, and so gently, and he swallowed down the feeling, let it sit in his chest and envelope him in a kind of warmth he would never get over, would never forget. And he had decided to just let the feeling sit there for the night, he would deal with it some other time when the world felt much more breakable. Because for that night, everything was perfect, and cozy, and they were untouchable, and they deserved to be untouchable every once in a while.

Alec would share that warm feeling with Magnus when he was feeling a little less selfish.

And Alec was so lost in that memory, in feeling that warm feeling in his chest all over again, that before he knew it, Izzy had a bag all packed for both him _and_ Magnus so Alec could go surprise him at his office with dinner; that way, Izzy told him, he could be 100% sure that Magnus took an actual break to eat.

"Thanks, Iz," Alec said, taking the bag from her graciously. He didn't want to bother Magnus while he was working, but, well, clearly it was already decided that he needed to, and Alec wasn't one to argue with his sister when she had done him such a huge favor the night before.

And besides, Alec missed Magnus anyway; any excuse to go visit him was a good one.

"Don't mention it, big brother," she told him, shooing him out the door with a peck to his cheek.

And while Alec had never actually been to Magnus' office before, he _did_ know where it was, had the address saved in his phone and was able to find it easy enough—or, well, his phone was able to find it easy enough for him, but details.

The building it was in was… Not what Alec was expecting, though he didn't know why he hadn't been expecting it, Magnus was a _lawyer,_ obviously his office would be in a building that accurately reflected that, all shiny floors and stuffy halls and quiet stairs.

It wasn't a _large_ building, though it was large enough all the same for Alec to get lost once—but only once. It was probably about as large as the shelter was, if Alec had to guess, though he knew the shelter so intimately that it didn't seem large at all when he thought about it, when he was in it. And he was sure the building was much different during the day, when people were actually still at work, when it was swarming with people doing their jobs, instead of just Magnus hanging around to get some paperwork done.

But finding Magnus' office was simple when he reminded himself that Magnus was probably the only one actually still there, and all he had to do was follow the light, the hum of someone actually working, and he was able to find his office easy enough, saw his name on the door just beyond a desk that he could only assume belonged to his secretary, the name plate reading _Raphael Santiago_ on the desk familiar in a distant sort of way; Magnus had mentioned him here and there, though Alec had never met him, didn't have a face to put to the name. Maybe Alec would visit during business hours next time and introduce himself.

But for now, he went to the door and knocked a couple times, raised an eyebrow at the curious, confused way Magnus called out, "Come in?"

Grinning to himself, Alec pushed the door open slowly, eyes falling on Magnus behind his desk, bent over paperwork and looking up at the door to see who could _possibly_ be knocking at his door at an hour such as this.

Alec was really quite pleased at the wide grin that took over Magnus' tired face when he took Alec in, looking like Alec had just made his entire day just by showing up at his door, nevermind the food he had in hand.

"Alexander! What a pleasant surprise," Magnus said, standing from his desk to meet Alec over near the door as he shut it behind himself, smiling wide at Magnus as he did.

He looked like, well, hell, to put it bluntly. His shirt was ruffled, sleeves pushed half up to his elbows, his hair was half falling down, bags under his eyes that made Alec frown; he was still _perfectly astounding_ and _breath-taking,_ of course, in the way that he always was, always would be, but damnit if Alec didn't want to get his mind off work for a bit, ease some of the tension out of him and get rid of the stressed out shadow that he had about his face.

(God, Alec fucking _loved him.)_

"What's with the look, darling? My hair doesn't look _that_ bad, does it?" Magnus asked him, stepping closer to Alec and pinning him to the back of the door before he knew what was happening—not that he minded in the least, of course.

It was only then that Alec realized that he had just been staring at Magnus, smiling like an idiot. Magnus brought a hand up to cup Alec's cheek, stared into his eyes for a sweet moment that made Alec blush—fuck, he didn't know Magnus could still do that to him just by looking at him; it had to be this new feeling in his chest, this feeling of _love_ that he wanted to share with Magnus, that had him so off guard, so distracted.

That's all it had to be, Alec told himself as Magnus leaned in to kiss him, and he brought the hand not holding their food up to tangle in Magnus' already mussed up hair, making it all the worse and, in Alec's opinion, all the sexier, before Magnus pulled back enough to offer him an inquisitive look.

"Of course not. I just," Alec began, voice rough as he looked back to Magnus' lips, licked his own before he could continue, "wanted to see you. And Izzy sent food; I told her I was worried about you not eating dinner, so she insisted I just bring you something myself. It's… leftover stew from last night. I hope you don't mind," he finished in a murmur, leaning back in to kiss Magnus before the other could respond properly.

Though, if the look that had flashed across his face in the second before Alec was kissing him again was anything to go by, he didn't mind in the absolute slightest. And if the way he kissed Alec back was another thing to go by…

Whatever the opposite of minding was was what he was feeling, the feeling of his lips against Alec's intense and all consuming. He dropped the bag with their food gently to the ground and let his other hand come up to Magnus' waist, pulling him closer _closer **closer**_ until all he was aware of was Magnus—those were his favorite kinds of kisses, the ones where his mind was wiped clean of everything except for Magnus, for the way it felt to have his hand at Alec's neck, his body flush against his own. The kinds of kisses where all that existed were Alec and Magnus and the moment they created between them, like nothing else mattered, and nothing else would ever again.

Alec could live without a lot of things, but those kinds of kisses from Magnus were one thing he hoped he would never be deprived of.

Magnus pulled back from him after several long moments of kissing like that, breathing harsh but sweet against Alec's face, and Alec had half a mind to chase after him, to pull him back against his body and kiss him again because he definitely was not done, _thank you very much._

But then Magnus was stooping down to grab for the food, grabbed one of Alec's hands, and all but dragged him over to the desk, and Alec had to resign himself to the fact that he would have to wait until after dinner to kiss him like that again. But he was _going_ to get another kiss like that out of Magnus if it was the death of him, god damnit.

"You Lightwoods are going to be the death of me," Magnus said fondly, setting himself down at his desk and gesturing for Alec to do the same.

Alec pulled one of the chairs from the other side of the desk and moved it to the other side next to Magnus, giving him a smile as he took his seat and as Magnus went about removing the food Izzy had packed for them.

"You skipping _dinner_ is going to be the death of you," Alec countered.

Magnus gave him a smile and shook his head, reached a hand out for one of Alec's.

"Not when I have a wonderful boyfriend like you around to keep me fed," Magnus said, leaning over to peck Alec on the cheek.

And Alec, unable to find it in himself to argue with such sound logic, shook his head, and reached for his container of the stew.

Magnus Bane was going to be the absolute death of _him,_ and Alec didn't even know _if_ he was trying most of the time.

 _(God, Alec really did fucking love him.)_

 ***.*.*.*.***


End file.
